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Original poster

A question for you.....

18 replies

Jonut · 08/04/2007 00:19

Just wondering, how often do your OH's go out?? And, if you don't mind, how old are they? My OH is 23 and goes out once/twice a week and has a boys holiday every year. When he goes out he doesn't often stay out that late as he has to be in work by 5.30.He's happy with this and so am I but sometimes I get a little jealous as I never go out (last time was Dec 28th) and he says that he ONLY goes out once a week (not in a "you never let me out" kind of way, more like defending himself that he doesn't go out all the time) and I end up feeling guilty!! We obviously had children young but I want him to live his life as much as possible.

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/04/2007 00:21

why dont you go out?

vixma · 08/04/2007 00:29

He sounds great, can I borrow him (only joking). I also dont go out much, which I am fine with however it is hard when the other half has a better soc life than us. I have just started an open university course which if u dont earn much doesnt cost hardely anything plus the courses are great..you only have a tutorial once every 2 weeks at most and you dont have to attend if you cant. I had no former qualifications and they were fine and the course work is well written and really challenging. You get to meet new people too. I really recommend it, if not a local college course. I doubt this helps but just a suggestion.

Peridot30 · 08/04/2007 00:49

Hi we try and get pout at least once/twice a month 2gether. My mum looks after the kids overnight. Dh doesn't go out with his friends unless works night out as he feels he has to be more responsible now he has 2 kids. I probably get out once every 4months with my friends.

Peridot30 · 08/04/2007 00:57

Pout is supposed to say out!!!!!!!!!

Dh is trying to convince me that MIL can have kids overnight but i just feel more comfortable with my mum!

princesscc · 08/04/2007 02:16

My dh goes out every Friday for an early beer with the boys. Usually home by 8'ish. He also goes out Saturday afternoon and sometimes Sunday afternoon. BUT if there is something we are going to do as a family he doesn't go. I don't go out much, but it suits me fine. I had a blast when I was younger and most nights I'm happy being indoors. About 6 months ago tho, me and a group of friends starting taking salsa lessons. Its only 2 hours, mid week, but it is just the thing I need. Could you find a similar thing to do with your friends? Just a little bit of time to yourself & friends is so important. At the moment you don't sound like it bothers you much, but you may start getting more resentful and thats when the problems start.

thefuturesbright · 08/04/2007 07:54

FWIW, I think once a week for him is fine - and Princess is right, you need to get out yourself once a week, and have a girls holiday too if you can manage it. If you can't do the girls holiday now, make sure you say 'just you wait until the kids are older, I'll be taking my girlie weekends then...' Do NOT establish that you going out/away on your own is something unusual 'special' or it will lead to resentment later on. And try to make sure he has an evening when the kids are his responsibility and you have the evening 'off' even if you are at home.

Original poster
Jonut · 08/04/2007 07:55

Lou, I don't go out as I don't really have anyone to go out with We do spend time as a couple on a friday but don't really go anywhere as I work till 9pm. Vixma, I'd love to do an OU course but thought they were too expnsive. Do you contact them directly and ask them about it?

OP posts:
thefuturesbright · 08/04/2007 07:56

PS - I speak as someone of 50 married for 25 years who didn't do this and really wishes she had! when I wanted to start going out and away alone we needed the United Nations to handle the negotiations, despite dh having been away regularly alone on holidays as well as business

bonkerz · 08/04/2007 07:57

My DH goes out once a week, sunday night to pub quiz with his family. I actively encourage this. Me on the otherhand, I go out sometimes three times a month sometimes less sometimes not at all really depends on birthdays and friends etc. Have been known to be out every weekend and i dont usually get in till 3 or 4am. Dh doesnt mind me going out as long as i let him know in advance!
I also go out atleast once a week but thats normally babysitting for friends and earns me money so he actively encourages that!!

Original poster
Jonut · 08/04/2007 08:00

Future, he's always said that anytime I want to go out that it's no problem and he'll have the kids and I've always said that I'll be going on a girlie holiday when my time comes!!He says this is fine but I'm silly and prob wouldn't be able to leave the kids for a week!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jonut · 08/04/2007 08:04

Bonkerz, like I said, I do want him to go out and when his friends ring to ask him to come it's often me persuading him to go out as he's normally really tired!! I just wish that I could come with him!! I would love to be able to socialise with him but his friends are arseholes and I'm not welcome

OP posts:
thefuturesbright · 08/04/2007 08:05

Good attitude! wait till they're teenagers, you will happily leave them for a week. Or a month. Start saving your escape fund now.

Original poster
Jonut · 08/04/2007 08:25

Lol Future

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/04/2007 11:06

you should try and get out and def go away

i have been away for up to a month without mine and had a great time, and i went alone

you really do need to put yourself first in this life, noone else will do it for you

Original poster
Jonut · 08/04/2007 11:22

Chance would be a fine thing Lou!!

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/04/2007 11:23

well yes, i dont have that opportunity anymore, but what i am saying is you will have a good time without them, whatever you think right now

it will do you good

madamez · 08/04/2007 14:44

If you can't or don't want to go out to pubs/clubs, etc in the evening, how about a weekend afternoon doing something like a shopping trip, going to the theatre, having a haircut - whatever sort of things you like to do that are easier to do when you don't have a LO wanting attention or making a noise.

It is important to have some tiem every week that's about you doing stuff that you like, which is for your benefit, not anyone else's. Otherwise it's too easy for women, especially mothers, to get into the mindset that they only exist to benefit other people.

JodieG1 · 08/04/2007 15:34

My dh hardly ever out, maybe once every 3 or 4 months and sometimes I go with him as it's the people he works with that go out and I know them too. We've had them over for a bbq the past 2 years.

I never go out, planning on a few drinks with my neighbour sooish though, soon as I can get enough milk expressed anyway!

We rarely go out as a couple but do always as a family. We make up for it by having eveings in with a film and a nice dinner quite a lot.

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