I have been with dp for almost 8 years. I am 31, he is 35. We have one dd age 3.
We have what i would say is a lot of problems.
One main problem is lack of affection. This seems to be a constant sticking point. He has never been great with affection from the start, intimacy yes, affection not really.
My dp finds it very hard to show affection, he is just not the "type". Some background i should mention. He is one of 5 children. His dad left when he was about 5. His mum fell into depression after this and showed little to no interest in them as children. He has told me before his mum never said love you, gave hugs or kisses, put them to bed and tucked them in or once told him she was proud of him etc. His sister who i am also close to has confirmed this.
A typical day for us would be him going to work in the morning he gives me a kiss and says love you. He will give me a kiss when he comes home from work and then before bed. But it all just feels very robotic, there is no passion to it, no spontaneity.
For all the lack of affection towards me he more than makes up with it with dd, constant affection kisses, cuddles, i love yous. He is great with her. So he obviously knows how to show it, he just chooses not to.
There is also a lack of sex. He would be happy with it once a week. This has bothered me for a long time but no matter how many times we discuss it or argue about it it stays the same.
We dont sit on the same sofa together. He comes home from work and we eat dinner and talk then i put dd to bed and we watch tv, on separate sofas. He just says he likes to relax and stretch out on the couch after working all day.
Another source of our arguing is around the fact that we have been together 8yrs but he hasnt proposed. At this stage in the game i had no doubt in my mind that i would be married he knows my feelings on this. Everytime i bring it up he says we will...whats the rush (8yrs i know i laugh at that too!!) Then i say when?? he says next 5 years.
He shows affection in other ways..ie if i go out he would tidy the house and make my dinner. He would do this before actually giving me a hug etc. Its just his way of showing that he cares.
We argue like everyone else, but our arguments can get very heated, quickly. We are both quick to react and have called each other for everything at one time or another. Our arguments mainly consist of me getting upset about most of the above or him not showing me support. But we have been over the same thing so many times that he just says now if you're no happy you know where the door is, just leave.
We have spoken about the future and have BOTH agreed that we want to try for another baby next year but i dont know if thats what i want to do when i am unhappy with the way things are at the moment and the fact that things will not change in the future. Am i wanting too much or just not getting enough?
Counselling is not an option. It is something i have mentioned in the past and dp has flat out refused.