Hand hold - I've made a bit of a fool of myself!

[aimzox]

Good morning!

Back in March I joined the site, going through a tough time, which led to a break up/moving out after four years. It's been hard, but I know it was the right thing to do, and I've enjoyed my own time and company!

I'm not looking for a relationship, at least not actively, as I need some me time. Recently however a guy in my work-building has been catching my attention. A couple of months ago my colleague joked he was checking me out. I thought nothing of it. Then he changed his walk-around route so he passed by my working space, we smiled and said hi, eventually (after several weeks!) he introduced himself. We continued smiling and saying hi.

Then he found me online and we chatted there - I'm rubbish at keeping up with online messaging, so after a couple of weeks I sent him my number, saying it would be easier to chat that way. His reply was that he was 'happily committed' and hoped there hadn't been mixed signals.. Obviously I've totally misread it (been out of the 'game' for a long time!), I told him he'd not given me the wrong impression, just that it was easier to chat that way - he's not used my number and I know now he won't!

I feel like I've made a total fool of myself! I'll try not to blush should I see him, but I am pretty certain he'll avoid me now - what a wally!

Is this a thing? I swear he was flirting, the smiles weren't the smiles of other man-friends I have..!! I feel like a bloody teenager!

Forget it, if asked say he misread the signs and you were just being friendly like you are with all your friends.

I think he's sent you some very mixed messages and I feel very sorry for his partner to whom he is 'happily committed'

in other words, he's a twat

What he really meant was contacting you via phone is more risky for him but OK to lead you on /possibly cheat on his gf online. You have dodged a bullet. .
You haven't made yourself look stupid - pretty clever actually!!

Don't feel bad - he's a complete wanker. I had a similar situation where a guy actively pursued me, didn't wear a wedding ring - loads of flirting and physical contact and then decides to tell me he's married! Even though I hadn't done anything wrong I still felt humiliated. its like an ego massage to them. I believe you that he gave you signs of more than friendship and I bet he wasn't completely up front with his OH about it either!

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'd have thought the same & done the same! Why was he chatting to you online if he's so happily committed? My guess is that he wanted to see if he still had the power to pull. Now he's had an indication that he does, he's not interested. Just keep reminding yourself what a lucky escape you've had. You wouldn't want to be involved with a man like that, especially in your vulnerable state. (((hugs))), you have done nothing to be ashamed of, but he has.

Thanks everyone - he doesn't wear a ring, so I'm not sure of his level of 'commitment' (not going to ask, either!)..

I doubt his OH has a clue at all - it's a shame as he seems really lovely, perhaps he is genuine, but going by my previous character judgements, I doubt it!

If I get anymore online messages, shall I just ignore them? What if he actually speaks to me? Just be friendly as I am with my other colleagues rather than go silent?

He was flirting with you but when it came down to it and it sounded like his wife might find out then he panicked and claimed you'd misunderstood.

Just be friendly perhaps a little less chatty restore your boundaries a bit

Of course he was flirting. My bet is he was on an ego trip. Once he'd got you to confirm you were interested he'd got what he needed and game over. Forget him, you did nothing wrong and did not make a fool of yourself.

I think you were pretty savvy actually

You have shown him to be the game player he is

He is the fool here and he should be the one looking to his own behaviour

I would not reply to any further messages and if he does speak to you be very cool and polite only

Aw thanks everyone!

Thankfully I'm old enough (and confident enough now!) to laugh it off.. What a bloody idiot! Still, flattering (he's a good few years younger than me!)!

Thank you for making me feel less of a wally!

Santa is spot on.

I think he was flirting and acting inappropriately and was able to hide it when it was only online but then realised if you were messaging through phone numbers it might be harder to.

I feel relieved now - thank you!

And he's diverted and avoided me this morning :)

The only one making a fool of themselves is him. You definitely have dodged a bullet and called him out on it. You definitely have nothing to be embarrassed about. He has made a total show of himself!

Thank you, @Sadlady77

At least it will encourage me to spend more time at my desk and less in the communal spaces!

Don't give him a second thought! He's the dick. And if you could possibly do it, message him back and say 'ooooh, you're one of those guys! I definitely think it's best you don't message me then'.

Aimzox,

You definitely don't need to be avoiding the communal areas. You've nothing to be sorry for. That creep does though. Honestly - someone liek that is to be pitied and laughed at!

Unintentional as it was, that was a perfect player body swerve you pulled off. You having his number and being able to contact him, was not in his down low low playbook.

Haha @KarateKitten! I wish I had thought of that when I got the initial message, instead of being all nice about it!!

@Sadlady77 I'm off there now to make a cuppa.... :)

@Isetan, who knew I had those skills! I think he panicked when I suggested any kind of 'real-life' contact.

I also just had a thought.. He never chatted when colleagues were around, just walked by with a smile/look.. Oh it all makes sense!!

Good woman - off you go to make that tea!!!

And when you see him just say a big hello. Don't let him know that he has bothered you at all. Creep!

There's really only one fool in this scenario and it most certainly isn't you. Ignore any further messages.

Exactly, think of it as an ego boost for you! But no, I wouldn't respond to any more messages - what's the point? He's no friend of yours! He's behaved really wankily, I feel sorry for his gf..

I know @Aperolspritzer123, I feel bad for her too.. But he'll see it all as harmless (every time he does it) as he pulls back when it gets 'too serious' and goes beyond a smile and wave.

I talk to everyone at work without mixing up any signals. I'm in a multi-departmental building, we work for different departments, so no reason to interact beyond the niceties I extend to everyone else, hence assuming it was all Ok/he was free. Still, you live and learn!