I like to talk about things to process them, my husband likes to think about things on his own.
That's fine, I get that people are different and process things differently.
The problem is that he uses it now as a way of not talking to me about things that are important (both to me and to him). So he shuts down conversations saying that he needs to think about it, or that he "can't do this now".
I know I can't force him to talk, and I'm fine with him having time to think about things, but I'm currently wondering how long it takes a person to flippin' think things through?!
We're currently "talking" about the possibility of more kids. This isn't straightforward in that we're facing fertility issues, so probable IVF, a miscarriage in the last year, which is making me nervous about TTC, and all the usual considerations as well (work, finance, age, etc etc). I have brought this up several times in the last few months, and he's never ready to talk. He says he really wants us to have another child, but that's all I get. No discussion about IVF, no discussion about how long we'll try naturally before that, no talk of how long we'll give it before we draw a line under the whole idea, no acknowledgment of the miscarriage and its impact on things... He just says he "doesn't know" and "needs to think" if I try to bring these things up.
So last time we spoke about this, almost a month ago, I told him the things on my mind, explained why I wanted us to make some decisions, told him my current thoughts on it and, after he said he "needed to think", I said I wouldn't bring it up again but leave it with him to raise once he'd thought.
Nothing. Not a mention of ttc in the last month. I know he definitely wants another child - we both do and if anything I'm the more hesitant as I worry about another miscarriage, so it's not that he doesn't want a child, he just will not talk to me about anything.
How on earth long am I meant to wait for him to bring up his thoughts on pursuing IVF etc?? If I leave him to bring it up, I could well be dead by then. But I don't want to always be the one bringing up these "big" conversations, I want to know he actually cares enough to have thought about it and to want to talk to me, and I promised I'd leave it with him this time.
I actually think he doesn't even bother thinking about things at all (going by past experience, where I'll ask him again about something he's supposedly been "thinking about", and his thoughts will be totally unformed and all over the place, suggesting he hasn't actually bothered giving it any thought at all).
What do I do now? Just keep waiting? Bring it up again ? Give up entirely and discuss this with my neighbour, who, bless her, cannot stop talking??!! I'm so fed up!