Boyfriend doesn't want sex

[Myblanket]

I am getting sooo fed up of our sex life. We have been together nearly 4 years and have 1 Dd. When we first met we had it every night, I understand things can change once having kids but our Dd is in bed by 7pm so we always have the whole evenings to ourselves.

When we do have sex it's normally pretty half arsed, no foreplay unless I ask him to it's over in seconds and just not enjoyable no real affection and it's the same every single time. We go over a month without it, he doesn't seem fussed and when i do bring it up he says he's tired etc. I don't think he's seeing anyone else.

Tonight I called him to come upstairs waited half an hour he didn't come up so I made myself a drink and got into bed. I'm dithering weather it could be a deal breaker if I'm honest I want to be wanted an feel loved etc.

What can I do 🙈

No he doesn't.

Yeah a few times now, all he says is he's tired all the time. I wouldn't mind as much if when we did have it there would be more effort . I don't know what to do. When I say things insinuating about having sex he doesn't look that bothered or interested.

I think he maybe knew what it was going to be when I asked him to come upstairs but then decides to just sit watching tv. As I was on my way back up he asked what I was doing I said getting into bed now I did ask you to come up earlier but it doesn't matter now. He didn't reply. I'm just stuck in between waiting around for him to try it on or initiate it with him and get rejected and fed up again!

Would it be stupid thing to end a relationship over ?

Would it be stupid thing to end a relationship over ?

No. It wouldn't.

Tiredness is just an excuse. If your dd is in bed by 7 then your dp can't be so tired every night by then that he wouldn't be up for some action.
But there are 101 reasons why he might not be up for it now.

No sex = no marriage in my book.

I read this book which was good:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B007OS060U/ref=pdtyppkrtpbb13416890311_1/255-6919759-6098009?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0248VGC3ABR7TRX9N8DS

And this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004ZP4P0W/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I'll have a read of those thanks. I agree I don't want to be in a relationship like this forever which is why I've tried talking to him about changing things before. A couple of months ago we were talking about having another baby but I'm thinking it won't be the best idea to do at all now!

If i had to ask for foreplay I'd never want sex with my selfish partner again. You mentioned how it used to be more often, was there foreplay then?

This issue would be a deal breaker for me.

I'm not saying this is the same as me, but this happened with my more recent ExP
He just didn't want it that often and we used to be at it all the time.
I found he was trying it on with everyone he could and he was addicted to porn!
So that was the end of that.
It's a deal-breaker for me.

Is DD his child?
If not then what do you get from this relationship that keeps you in it?

it would be a deal breaker for me. Mainly because ive done a relationship like that and it was utterly shit. I would never do it again. Sex is important to me, and so is intimacy. Unless there was a damn good reason, I would not put up with it again, and possibly not even if there was a good reason.

It would be a deal breaker for me too, but I wouldn't judge him for it, just as I wouldn't judge a woman who didn't want sex a great deal. People's sex drives change over time, his has decreased and yours has not. There doesn't have to be a reason behind the change. But if you're no longer compatible, there's no shame in admitting it and going your separate ways.

Tiredness can be an excuse but not all the time. My DH gets up at 4am so we adjust to suit. He doesn't want to go without either. I wouldn't put up with what you are. No chance so you're not being unreasonable.

No foreplay would mean no sex and no relationship for me. Wanting to have a mutually satisfying sex life is part of a healthy relationship, having to ask for foreplay is grim, would he just climb on top and stick it in if you didn't? You should both want to pleasure each other not just be a wank depository.

To go months without sex isn't right. You need to talk.

Mismatched sex drives are a deal clincher for me

You really should consider becoming MN male Sex topic expert Snazel any topic with sex in it you're all over it.
I guess, the sex forum is a tad slow tonight.

Tonight I called him to come upstairs waited half an hour he didn't come up so I made myself a drink and got into bed. I'm dithering weather it could be a deal breaker if I'm honest I want to be wanted an feel loved etc.

Could have written that myself MyBlanket

And i suspect could have a lot of others:-(