Need to be strong after H left

[Leftforemotionalaffair]

My story is all too familiar, 5 months ago I got the I love you but not in love with you speech and soon found out he was having a “friendship” with an ex from 20 years ago. He then did/said all the things in the cheaters script and after a couple of months we separated, more his idea than mine but I couldn’t take it any more either. He is seeing the emotional affair partner but not living with her.

My problem is while I am doing well, moving forward and am no longer in a daze of hurt there is still a part of me that wants him back. He is a mess right now mainly due to guilt, he drinks every night, is anxious, has developed high blood pressure, says things about how he would be better off dead. However he tries to unload all of this on me and I don’t want to be codependent. I don’t initiate contact, never reply to emotional pleas and generally try to keep it all business. He cries, tells me he is so sorry but is still seeing her. I know their relationship is childish and dramatic and that she has a pattern of breaking up marriages. We have not started divorce proceeding yet although I think in need to. Anyway I just want strength to keep being strong and not want him back. I hope he is suffering just like he made me suffer. So give me tips to keep strong. I am going out, keeping busy, have a good job so am doing all the right things but facing the future is so scary

You are talking to him too much.

Crocodile tears.

You will be far better off without him.

Start practising the phrase "I am not interested in your problems" and stop replying to anything he says/texts/emails that doesn't directly involve his contact with your DC.

If you don't have DC, rejoice! You never have to see the fucker again.

Laze, I'm in a similar situation so have no advice, but I understand completely how you feel. It's difficult to switch off the emotion when you are told about see them suffering. I hope you are able to stay strong, I know in my heart that we are better off without men like these.

We have 2 DCs so I can’t block his texts, he is being helpful with their activities etc so we do need to keep things civil and commmunicate. I just don’t reply to the emotional manipulation ones. I do believe he is really suffering and it isn’t crocodile tears and I want that to be the case, not because he may come back but because he deserves to really suffer. He was in such denial about what he was doing just as with all cheaters, especially those in emotional
affairs so now he is starting to see he truth about OW and what he is throwing away and it isn’t pretty. I am way better than her and as a result deserve better than him, have to keep telling myself that. I find it funny that a man who was all about family would throw his family away for someone who doesn’t care about families at all (she has done this before and is single with no kids.) I hope she has just played him and then thrill is in getting him to leave, will serve him right.

Look back and remember how tough those early days were when you first separated. The sleepless nights, the exhaustion, the anxiety, the hurt, the tears.
Think of every moment in the past when you thought you couldn't cope - well you have coped and you've survived it. It was tough and you've hit another bump in the road. Keep going.
Yes the unknown of your future is scary but isn't it also exciting? What/who awaits you? This can all be influenced by you and the decisions you make now. Stay strong and don't doubt yourself