Hi All,
I need some advice and opinions on my current relationship. I have recently moved abroad with my partner for his job, the move was very difficult on our relationship but after several long conversations we decided to take the jump. During the relocation time, my boyfriend started to become angry when arguing, occasionally he would hit or throw something, he wouldn't let me speak back to him and would stop me talking half way through trying to explain something via calling me names, shouting at me etc. He always did get angry but over the past few months it has gotten progressively worse. It got to the point where if I had an issue, I chose to remain silent as it wasn't worth the hassle of speaking, it would only end in an argument and me in tears. He even got angry if I had the wrong look on my face.
I recently went and stayed in a hotel for the night, I told him that I couldn't cope and he had to stop tearing me to shreds, which he promised he would. I have asked him if he can find another way of dealing with his frustration i.e. walking away or just talking instead of losing his temper. He promised me he would find a way and I promised to try not aggravate him.
As a bit of additional back ground information, he once missed his train home and stayed at another womans house and lied to me about it, as a result I find it difficult when he says he will come home at a certain time and doesn't, he says I haven't let it go and this is one of the main sources of his frustration. For the record, I do believe that nothing happened.
Fast forward back to the present, we were out at the weekend and he doesn't like me smoking ( I do maybe have one or two a year), we ended up in an argument and I ended up smoking, which I promised him I wouldn't. He again got very angry he proceeded to tell me over and over again that had ruined his day and messed our relationship up, calling me names and generally being derogotary towards me. I did spend the day apologising to him doing/saying everything I possibly could to try and make it better.
The following day, he was drunk and started speaking to me about it, again I was only speaking to reply when he lost his temper, he started shouting and left me alone at night by myself with no money at the beach (given we are in a new country and I do not know the place very well) I couldn't get home, I called him and he came to collect me two hours later from a safe place I had walked too, when we got in he lost his temper and shoved me, he threw all my suff out of our apartment and told me I had to leave to which I replied I would when I had time to pack my belongings. He then proceeded to drag me along the floor toward the door two or three times to which I resisted, I did tell him he was hurting me and unfortunately I am bruised, I have carpet burns and my body aches. I tried to reason with him and when I began to speak he would just clap, swear at me and threaten to put my belongings in the canal outside.
I know reading this, its easy to say leave but before we began having issues and when he is ok, he really is a lovely guy. I was the happiest I have ever been with him and could see my life with him, he feels terrible for what he's done, and he genuinely does. Plus, the dynamics have changed on our relationship, we both used to work a lot and now he works, whist I am looking for work due to the move. It has also been hard as we have left our family and friends at home so there has been a lot of added stress on our relationship.
Part of me thinks I should wait until I have a job and we are both settled to evaluate the situation and part of me thinks I should go away for a while, if anything more for respect for myself. I feel like my head is in limbo. Any opinions?