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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Here we go again

1 reply

Notwittyenough · 28/09/2017 13:57

I keep posting here hoping for some sort of clarity, but never quite achieving it. Me and DH have a difficult relationship atm, of which I often get told is my fault and if I could just be a decent wife it would all be ok.

That's not my issue this time though. We have 2year old DD who is very attached to me. This upsets DH who says he feels pointless and replaceable. I get that it's difficult for him and I try to be understanding. My problem is he fact that I am not bloody surprised as he doesn't often do much in the way of parenting.

Yesterday we had a fight. We each have an afternoon off work to spend time with DD. I decided to take her to an attraction in the local town. Tell DH what we have done for the afternoon and he gets really upset. Apparently it should have been a family thing to do. That would be fine except he takes her out on his afternoons often enough and I never have a go at him for it. It was somewhere we have been before, and he can always go again. Then he started getting into how I'm always taking her out without him (I take her to soft play when I am on my own with her sometimes), and I am generally just totally thoughtless, not caring about how much I hurt him. He's fed up of being the only parent to discipline her (he's not, he's just not around to see when I do. And also he is stricter than I am, so he reacts to something before I would therefore when we are together he is automatically telling her off before I do). My biggest problem is that I don't know how to fix this, and he doesn't seem to want to actually do anything - like put her to bed, get her dressed in the morning etc etc. All the stuff that I do day in and day out and are the reason she is more attached to me.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking, but feel free to flame if I am being an insensitive bitch.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/09/2017 14:18

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?.

Its not you, its your H who is your real problem here. He is not a decent H to you and the problems in your relationship are of his making. He is not above projecting all his crap onto you either and he is lazy to boot. Small wonder your DD is attached to you; he does not do much (or actually wants to do much) in the way of parenting. His idea of parenting is of the Disney Dad school of parenting.

He is an abusive man and he has you well trained to serve him to the point where you think you could comes across as an insensitive bitch. You are absolutely not that at all but such a person like your H can and will grind you down into nothing and take you down with him into his pit. He only cares for his own stupid selfish self.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up; did your own father for instance act as your H now does?.

Do not continue to show your DD that this treatment of you and in turn she is acceptable on some level to you. Womens Aid are well worth contacting on 0808 2000 247.

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