Advice please

[Mumof217]

A little bit of a back story, been with my dh for over ten years and had a ds early in relationship who is now 10. MIL has never bothered to see him unless we went there which we did regulary or spend time with him only buying him presents/seeing him on special occasions christmas, easter etc. Well dh sister had a baby a few years ago the second grandchild for MIL and she brought everything for them even tho they didnt need it and she was overly excited. Anyway from the start it became very apparent that she favoured this child and at first i just let it go and not bother me but over time my ds has noticed it and this has now really upset him. MIL has paid for posh parties in halls for other grandchild, took him for days out, resturant dinners and spent more buying him clothes and bits all the time which she tells us about!!! And my ds gets nothing from her apart from christmas and birthday. It got so bad that i started distancing ourselves from MIL as much as i could and stopped visiting etc so my ds didnt have to keep witnessing it but when MIL does come to our home all she talks about is other grandchild and pays no attention to my ds so he now stays in his room and doesnt want to come down. I just do not know what to do anymore as we have a family meal coming up on dh side and my ds doesnt want to go and his conpromise was "fine ill go but im not talking to them" and also dh sister is getting married and wants my ds to be a page boy and my ds doesnt even want to go to the wedding let alone be a page boy. I feel like i am stuck as i am trying to keep it all polite etc but i feel so sad for my ds as he feels like they favour the other grandchild and its really upset him. I dont want to push my ds into having to keep doing things with them when thats how he feels but same time i dont want to be the one who has to explain to MIL any advice would be appreciated as i feel if i do say something then how does it go from then on as the damage has been done i dont see a way if them building a relationship with ds now x

Where is your husband in all this?

He has reached the point where hes had enough and sees it all too however he is too afraid of upsetting the apple cart with them when i really wish he would say something x

Then guess who your real problem is?

Be honest with your son. Tell him some grans are just like that, and it isn't very nice but it's nothing to do with him. And don't make him be a pageboy. What self respecting 10 year old is up for that shut anyway?

Also last year dh sisters dp had a falling out with MIL and actually said to her in an argument that she favours one grandchild and she denied it but its obvious that everyone else notices it too x

Your dh needs to man up and look out for his upset son, rather than worrying about offending his mother, who seems totally oblivious to her unfair treatment. She needs to be told by your DH, stop being so nice.

I know but its all MIL wants is a big show look at my grandsons being page boys infront of everyone but you are right i am going to out my foot down with that one anyway. And i know the problem should be my dh and im going to have to tell him to sort it out x

And if he won't tell her and she asks you, give it to her straight. Why should you care about offending her? She sounds like she'd be no great loss.

Oh i know i just didnt want the fall out if i could help it as it just makes life awkward in future but i know if it comes to it i can just cut all ties x

I really think you or dh need to speak to mil about this. Yes it’s uncomfortable, you might upset her, but your son IS upset and being affected by this behaviour. It’s your jobs as his parents to protect him and speak up for him. His feelings are more important in this than those of his adult grandmother. If there is a fall out, so be it. Your son has done nothing to deserve this treatment and you will be doing nothing wrong bringing it up, you will be standing up for him.

Yes thats how i feel i just hoped it wouldnt of had to of come to that. But you are right it needs to be said in black and white i just dont think their relationship will ever recover so i dont know how things will work without just cutting them out conpletely x

You need to put your ds feelings before mil. .
Sorry mil but ds isn't being a page boy. .
Simple.

Yes i will and we wont be attending the meal next week i dont want to force my ds to soend anymore time with them than he has to thank you x