I had a high pressure work assessment for a major promotion. It was an all day affair with several interviews, performance tests and things. Think Apprentice on steroids in a day.
I found it all very stressful.
I got home and on sofa with time to reflect suddenly became all tearful about a past non-relationship. To avoid a drip feed
it was the last man I fell in love with and I've had no comparable feelings since.
He was married but duped me initially.
I kept seeing him after I knew when I should have walked away I know - but eventually saw the light - after he kept treating me like an occassional sweet shop.
BUT and this is the big point I haven't spoken to him for 2 years.
Why tonight would I suddenly become all emotional and nostalgic and craving him - when what I really want is a man who actually cares about me and would be supportive of me?
(He wouldn't be supportive in a "you've had a bad interview" moment or even offer a hug. He'd be more likely to say "what's sport is on tonight".)
I think there is something wrong with me that I feel like I am craving (and that's the right word) intensely the touch and affection of a man who I meant nothing to and haven't heard from for years.
I know I have low self esteeem but why would now this re-generate?
I feel so utterly shit- like no one could ever care for me even in a "look after this broken winged animal sense" leave alone a "she lights up my light" sense".