So what are we???

[Tinkerbella13]

Sorry guys... I've somehow posted this on the "weightless section" please could that be deleted. As this is where it belongs... Right let's start again:

Hi guys, newbie here smile

Just wanted some advice really, I just feel frustrated about this whole situation... it involved me and my ... well... erm... what is he?

So it started when he came to the store where I was working, I totally did not look at him twice, was never interested etc... But one day, he messaged me on Instagram and it kicked off from there. We spoken every day since March 2016... We talk about everything (although sometimes he's just a typical guy). We say good morning as soon as we wake up, goodnight before we go sleep, we meet up whenever w've both got a day off (we don't work together anymore). Generally, we're aways talking...

We do argue, sometimes they're pretty rough especially on my part I can't control my temper. Despite all that he just never walks away even though I can be really rude he always says "if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't". To be honest, I can't even imagine him speaking to me that way, I'm so terrible and REALLY need to work on my temper.

He isn't seeing anyone and neither am I. It's just him and I... But what are we? He said he doesn't want a "full on relationship" and to be honest, neither did I. But I'm really falling in love with him... I wish he was more open and more affectionate but I can deal with it. I just want to know what your opinion are?

Are you guys having sex or is it platonic?

You sound really abusive.
Please work on yourself before you invest in worrying about whether some guy thinks he is in a "full on relationship" with you. That is neither here nor there.

Ok, when I say I've got a temper I don't mean I beat him or anything but in anger I'll tell him to leave me or I'll tell him I'm done...

When you meet do you kiss and sleep together or is it more just friends?

You are in a toxic relationship.

I would strongly recommend that you get some counselling to understand yourself and get your temper under control before you attempt any future relationships.

This is a dysfunctional relationship that has disaster written all over it. You will NEVER have a healthy relationship until you get yourself under control. You sound unhinged and abusive. I recommend therapy.

Well from what you've said you are a couple without either of you actually saying it to one another properly. No idea with how you speak badly to him - everyone gets fed up with one another on occasion but it needs to be handled properly. Have either of you actually asked one another out properly? (sorry, "asking out" shows my age, but I much prefer it so "I'm seeing someone" etc).

Sorry "TO" seeing someone, not "SO" seeing someone.

Do you have sex?

Yes we do sleep together...

You’ve been seeing each other for 18 months and you haven’t had a conversation about whether you’re exclusive/serious or not? Give it up for goodness sake. And get some help with your temper.

Must say having come here to ask for some advice, I did not expect this much backlash about my temper. I've acknowledged that I have a temper but as stated before, I did not hit him and I do not say anything abusive to him. So please guys, don't treat me like I'm the most terrible person in the world.

It’s not ok to treat anybody badly though is it? A one off snappy moment because you’re under stress is one thing, but regularly shouting and being horrible is another.
However I do think these fraudulent ‘casual’ relationships that look like a relationship in everything but name are a type of gaslighting and are by definition abusive so it’s hardly surprising you aren’t handling things very well. He’s mugging you off.

But repeatedly rejecting him because he's 'displeased' you in some way IS abusive and is highly likely to be the reason he won't be forthcoming in discussing the progression of the relationship

Your fuck buddies or friends with benefits if you prefer.

That's what he is.

I agree with Just - youre FB, FWB, no strings attached, casual, just a bit of fun.
This status can cause a lot of pain if one party develops feelings and wants more. If he has said he doesnt want a relationship, and this is still true, and youre falling in love with him .... danger. You'll need to end it for self-preservation.

But the temper thing is an important part of the dysfunction in this set up. You are unable to communicate effectively. If you don't sort that out you are doomed to spend the rest of your life having dysfunctional relationships because instead of having adult and sensible discussions about what you want from a relationship, you throw out over-dramatic and childish remarks which you don't mean.

If you've been seeing each other for 18 months, and you are sleeping together, and you don't "know what you are", then things are in some way dysfunctional.

OK. So you know you need to work on your temper. That’s not new information for you. By one day you might tell him to leave you. And he might finally go for good.

If you want more, then speak to him. You are intimate enough to have regular sex and spend lots of time together.

I am very much a believer of “you need to want the same kinds of things” from a relationship. No point in compromising or wasting anyone’s time.

I've acknowledged that I have a temper but as stated before, I did not hit him and I do not say anything abusive to him

Oh well that's ok then. I mean as long as you don't hit him! Jesus Christ

You sound awful.
No-one here is going to condone your abuse.