How To Fix Us?

[KissesAX]

I don't need to be judged. Just advice please.

I did something really really wrong and stole from my (ex) DP housemate. They found out and DP & I broke up 3 weeks ago. I know how wrong I was and don't wish to discuss why.

We had been rocky for a few months previous but we love each other and want to fix our relationship. He isn't ready to see me face to face yet but please advice someone, how do we start to heal and fix our relationship.

We don't want to part ways for good.

I think stealing can be a massive deal breaker. You put your bloke in an awful situation which he now has to repair.

Really you should apologise, return what you stole and learn your lessons for your next relationship.

I think that's counselling territory.
You did something very serious.
I doubt either of you have the skills to "fix" this alone.

@Ellisandra yes that's what I was thinking but I don't know if he'd do that. We're mid 20s I'm not sure if he'd feel comfortable. Not that I would particularly enjoy it

I'm sorry, but you can't admit you stole from your partner's friend and then declare you "don't need to be judged." Just writing that implies to me that you truly don't appreciate how wrong and damaging your actions were. I can't imagine him taking you back after such a horrible betrayal, and even if he did take you back, I doubt he will ever fully trust you again. Learn from this, move on and let him go his own way.

If he wouldn't do it, I'd say that he is not committed to your relationship, so it's not going to work out anyway.
I would only be with someone who cared about our relationship enough to at least try it, even if it did make them uncomfortable.
You're in the wrong over stealing so in some ways he calls the shots... but if he won't do something as obvious and common as counselling I don't think he's committed enough to fix it without.

Obviously there is the big thing of your theft... but you said it was rocky before. Most good relationship aren't rocky.

Hmm its not surprising its over

it depends on why you stole. If it was to do with addiction, substance misuse, etc, then the first priority is to be totally honest with yourself about that - for you, not for the relationship.

In your DP's shoes I would be looking for you to take total responsibility - no excuses, no trying to evade natural consequences or 'save face' and a true effort to make as much repair as you could - which would include admitting what you'd done and why, returning the money immediately, and accepting that it would be a long time before your friends and DP would trust you again. In your DP's shoes I would not want to attend counselling because I don't think it's see this as a relationship problem - but a problem with something that you'd done. Not a problem in the dynamic between you and him, but something in you that needs sorting.

I don't mean any of this harshly - ever single one of us has done stupid and hurtful stuff that we're not proud of, and fixing it is horrible, and sometimes the consequences are really shitty and not what we want. But in my experience (I've done bad things) the only way through this is by owning it and fixing it.

Good luck.

I think you probably need to accept that it is best not to try and fix the relationship and just let him move on TBH.