I have been with my dp for 18 months and all is well. I was in a very abusive relationship before him for just over a year (although it took months to break the cycle.) My dp can't understand it because now (and before the abusive relationship) I am quite an independent minded person.
I got with the abusive man after the breakdown of my marriage. I can describe him as "Mr Sensitive" from Lundy Bancrofts book "Why does he do that?" He used to gaslight me constantly and teared me down to the point I was so weak, so scared to say anything, a complete shadow to my former self. It was 12 months of torture where at first he love bombed me then made me dependant on him. I look back and don't even recognise myself during that period.
Yesterday as dp and I were driving along we were talking about supermarket deliveries and I told him when I moved into my flat I had some supermarket deliveries because I wasn't allowed to go off for that long to the supermarket which is about 5 miles away. He looked at me with a completelty puzzled face? I then said I remember when we broke up how freeing it felt to get In my car and drive to the shopping centre on my own with no constant texts/phone calls with time limits etc otherwise there would be so much shit when I got home.
I have told him about the abuse and every now and then when it comes up or when I tell a story of what happened if something reminds me of it. He just doesn't understand it at all and can't see how someone who is perfectly normal, functioning and independent minded can be so manipulated in that way.
Is there a book or any links to articles/pages which I can show him so he gets a better understanding of it all that anyone can recommend. Obviously I have read the Lundy Bancroft one.
Thank you