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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

WOULD YOU BE CONCERNED?

47 replies

spottyeasteregg · 07/04/2007 11:38

quick namechange for this

my DH works in an all female work environment, the only male in his department. Hes been there about 18 months.

its not an officy job and he has a laugh with them all.

theres one woman - lets call her 'sarah'

when he first started there he mentioned Sarah quite a bit, funny stories, jokes she had told him ect - but he never mentioned anyone else, always her

i told him it made me feel uncofatatble and we had a row over her, i had a strong feeling he fancied her (still do) , hes always denied it.

but if i mention her he always laughs or seems uncomfatable,

now ive been to his work place 3 times, never met Sarah.

I went yesterday and all the women came down to coo at my yongest baby,

when we got home i was curious and said 'which one was Sarah?'

he said she was upstairs,

i said why didnt she come to see our LO?

he fumbled a bit and said she had a cold

dont you find that a bit odd? DS isnt small almost 1 infact, so i dont think its a 'passing the cold on' worry

and she was well enough to be in work,

what do you think?

does it seem strange?

OP posts:

paulaplumpbottom · 07/04/2007 12:07

I wouldn't let it keep me up at night but be on your guard

lazyemma · 08/04/2007 07:00

Maybe she just doesn't like children much? I didn't realise it was compulsory for women to coo over infant visitors to the workplace.

thefuturesbright · 08/04/2007 08:03

I agree - bit of fancying, bit of flirting, bit of office banter. Stay on top of it - do what ifonly suggests, try to meet her, make a joke out of it.

I wouldn't want a bf nobody else ever fancied!

Original poster

spottyeasteregg · 09/04/2007 10:39

yknow like you are all saying 'keep an eye on it'

because i know that people dont intent to get ingto shit like this- it just happens

do you think i should insist he finds a new job?

not just because of her, but its a badly paid job, far away.. and he doesnt drive, no perks, just crappy shop job - no where to go in it iykwim, i think he needs a better job anyway.

plus i just hate the thought of them together, shes been put in his area too, so its just the two of them all day

OP posts:

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 09/04/2007 11:48

But wherever he works the chances are there will be a woman there who he gets on with. My hubby works with nearly all blokes but there is a secretary there who he mentions sometimes and it makes me a bit....hmmmmm.

But I know/think/hope its just me. I wouldn't tell him to look for a new job.

madamez · 09/04/2007 11:55

Try to relax. You can't keep your partner from having friendly interactions with other human beings: the more you try to control another person's behaviour and the more paranoid you become about it, the greater the chances that the other person will want to get the hell away from you. People aren't possessions and everyone's entitled to have friends.

fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 12:11

Can I put a whole other spin on it?

When he mentioned 'Sarah' were you he going through any problems or worries??

If so, do you think Sarah was someone he maybe invented to keep you on your toes??

I remember my friend always told her dh that Stevie in work was always asking her out for drinks... it made him very attentive!!

I'm glad to read you have no hang ups or anything about your body, it's not often women admit to that!! It sounds like Sarah has every right to be afraid of you

PinkTulips · 09/04/2007 12:15

great minds firefly... that was my first thought too!

fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 12:19

Who said the Irish were suspicious

Original poster

spottyeasteregg · 09/04/2007 12:20

he hasnt made her up because they have a board with who is working that day up, and her name was on it for the day i popped in so she was upstairs,

maybe he does mention her to make me jealous, i do get a bit of male attention when i can be bothered to do my makeup, lol

when i went to meet him i got DS an icecream and the icecream man offered 'a free ice cream for the pretty lady' which i boasted about to him straight away!

so maybe hes just trying to even the playing field!

OP posts:

ELF1981 · 09/04/2007 12:23

Doesn't mean that Sarah isnt some 60 year old close to retirement.

divastrop · 09/04/2007 16:09

i dont think its 'normal' or 'harmless' to fancy other people when you are in a relationship-i think it shows that you dont want to be in a relationship and should do the decent thing and end it

UCM · 09/04/2007 16:10

Yes

fannyannie · 09/04/2007 16:19

"i dont think its 'normal' or 'harmless' to fancy other people when you are in a relationship"

it's part of human nature - we find some other humans attractive to look at - doesn't mean we've going to run off and sh*g them though!

divastrop · 09/04/2007 16:27

i see a difference between say,noticing an attractive person in the street and just thinking 'that person is good looking' and actually fancying somebody else,ie flirting with them at work,thinking about them,talking about them.whats the difference between wanting to shag somebody else and actually shagging them?its all cheating when it comes down to it.

babywhiting · 09/04/2007 16:42

here here divastrop i agree!!!!!

paulaplumpbottom · 09/04/2007 16:44

Have you said anything to him yet?

fannyannie · 09/04/2007 17:28

so thinking someone else is good looking is cheating??? God help your OH!

ipanemabunny · 09/04/2007 17:40

I think it's important to show dp that you trust him too. I think constant suspicion can be a destructive thing. If you really look after your relationship with him, he's unlikely to stray (imho!) concentrate on your relationship with him and what makes you both feel happy (doesn't have to be huge grand gestures).
Having said that, I think it's no bad thing to pop in and be a visible loving presence at his place of work if that's appropriate. No harm in flying the colours of your relationship to the odd passing ship.

paulaplumpbottom · 09/04/2007 18:38

I agree pop in with lovely romantic picnics for lunch

divastrop · 09/04/2007 21:40

i didnt say that,did i?

anyway,my OH only has eyes for me,thank you

madamez · 09/04/2007 22:42

You know, a parnter is either mongamously inclined - or not. And all the monitoring, paranoia, beauty treatments and self-help books in the world are not going to stop a person from refusing to stay in a monogamous relationship with you once they decide that they don't want to be in a monogamous relationship with you. You cannot control another human being's behaviour over any length of time, so why not just relax and enjoy life?

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