MY dh is being such an arse :(

[Frascati]

I was telling him again about something that has upset me lately and he erupted. He was like ffs if you are that pissed off ring the woman and tell her you are.
He was at work and out all night and it was lovely yesterday. I really don't know if I love him or not anymore. I just feel happier without him I think.
He puts me down at the slightest opportunity and always criticises me for things that I haven't done.
I try sohard to do everything but no I haven't sorted out the shed. I am not miss perfect.
Sorry feel so much better for that rant.

have you told him how much his behaviour is upsetting you?

it would perhaps be a good idea to sit down with him - not when you are upset, i find men are less likely to take in what is being said to them if it is said in an argument, or when you are upset, they are more likely to think you are being emotional! (or maybe that's just my man!)

anyway, maybe you could sit down and calmly explain what you are upset by. where you go from there would obviously depend on how he reacts to that.

no he doesn't talk about anything. he is impossible and right now i just want to walk out.

unfortunately men just cannot handle female emotions. They hate to see their DW's/DP's unhappy, they just cannot cope with it. Apparantly, it has something to do with the fact that men see themselves as our rescuers, our carers, they are there to provide and protect us. When we get upset they take it personally, they feel they are failing in their role as protector, and when they are powerless to make things better for us it can tend to come out in an aggressive manner, as with your husband. He just doesn't want to see you unhappy but, being a man, he hasn't quite yet mastered how to communicate this without upsetting you further.
Don't let it get to you. Just go quiet on him for a while. There's nothing more worrying to a man than a silent woman. You will soon have him asking you if you are ok

if he doesn't talk, would he at least listen? hearing you say you are so unhappy you want to leave him, would that not make him want to work things out with you?

oh, if you can get him to sit and listen, avoid saying vague things like you always put me down, or you never do X. give examples.

when we were at your mums you said X and that made me feel very small. i work very hard doing x, y, z but you only saw the shed, it upsets me when i feel that you don't recognise all the things i do. i feel that making comments like X to me aren't helpful as they make me feel that you don't respect me.

but if he really doesn't want to listen to you, that kind of says it all, doesn't it.

ifonlyhewould.. i dont think its got anything to do with men wanting to be the protector - more they just want bloody women to stop crying and maoning the whole time!

possibly true!

Frascati hope you are OK.my dh is very similar.It is so upsetting for you not to be heard or understood.My dh can go from 0-rage in 10 seconds.He has told me that it is about his frustration about things he has no control over.I have told him that he needs to find some other way of expressing his anger/frustration and that it is unfair for him to direct it at me.
It sounds to me like you need a break and some time to yourself.Can you explain this to him without it becoming confrontational?
sending ((((hugs))))