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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Alcoholic partner

18 replies

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:04

Hi all,
My partner is an alcoholic / binge drinker, she is drinking at least 2 bottles of vodka a week plus 2-3 bottles of wine a week. This has been going on for a very long time. She has suffered from alcoholism since I met her, and has never admitted that she has a problem, nor has she seeked any help. We have had countless fights during her drunkenness and it's got that bad now that the only time she wants any physical intimacy is when she is plastered, which is such a turn off for me!! I have lost all respect for her as she seems to blame me for her troubles. I have never touched her I have tried to curb her outrageous spending habits which have put a massive strain on our finances. I don't get drunk, I don't go to the pub, I do all of the kids sports. I don't go drinking at mates place. I have renovated our home and made it as nice as possible. I have told her that she needs to seek help for her drinking and all that does is start a fight. She has no real family support as her sister and daughter both have issues with alcohol too. This is my second long term relationship which is failing. I don't want to lose another house and split up because we have 2 very young children 6 and 8.

Help!!!

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 26/09/2017 01:13

That sounds bloody awful.

Did she stop drinking during her pregnancies.

Living with someone with an addiction is a nightmare if they won't seek help.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2017 01:13

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with an alcoholic. It's time for an ultimatum. She either goes into treatment, or she leaves the home and you will aggressively petition for full custody of your children. They cannot be left to be raised by this woman.

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:17

yes she did, but as soon as they were off the boob she went back and slowly drank more and more than went back on the vodkas.

OP posts:

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:19

I am so afraid of loosing everything again. My ex-wife took me to the cleaners and I was royally screwed by her. I just can't lose another home!

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 26/09/2017 01:23

If she won't get help or admit she has a problem, I would imagine you would need to put your children first and get her to leave.

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:27

I know but taking this step could lead to me being homeless..........

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 26/09/2017 01:32

Why would it lead you to be homeless.

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:35

Because I know she would fight for me to move out so the kids can be close to school and be with her... Remember, she doesn't think she has a problem............

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 26/09/2017 01:39

Does she work?

Is the house in both your names?

Surely you could prove she has a problem by the amount she drinks.

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:41

Yes she is a manager.

yes it is..........

Yes, I could take photos of all the empty bottles of vodka

OP posts:

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 01:45

The issue that our mortgage is so massive, without her contribution the house is gone!

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 26/09/2017 01:55

I've lived with addiction
I'm my case it was my dd, as a mother I could never fully turn my back on her.
If it would have been my DH I would have left, no way would I bring up children around an alcoholic.

Yes, I could take photos of all the empty bottles of vodka
What would that prove?

overnightangel · 26/09/2017 01:57

No brainer for me
Move out asap

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 02:08

how much she is drinking per week.

OP posts:

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 02:08

easier said then done!

OP posts:

Offred · 26/09/2017 03:39

It isn't possibly to have a relationship with an alcoholic who is drinking.

I appreciate that you feel anxious about breaking up but she's been an alcoholic all this time, what on earth do you think will make her change?

Your main duty now is protecting the children from her addiction. What happens to your relationship is a distant second.

Original poster

desparateguy · 26/09/2017 04:13

Yes I know, I must be stronger and take a stance against her drinking and obsessive behaviours.

OP posts:

Offred · 26/09/2017 04:44

Whether you 'take a stance' re her alcoholism in relation to your relationship with her is neither here nor there... literally irrelevant... if she's an alcoholic there is nothing you can do...

The thing that she strikes me is you are very concerned about losing the money you have put into the house, and secondarily your relationship with her... why isn't your biggest concern the kids?

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