Husband is too loud

[earplugsandchocolate]

I never noticed just how loud DH is until DC came along. He couldn't speak quietly during bedtimes, would turn on bright lights after I'd asked him to keep lighting low during night feeds. A Complete novice when it came to creating a calm, quiet atmosphere for both baby and myself.
Fast forward 5 years and its really getting me down. DH has such a loud voice, I find myself trying to get away from him when in the house, he bangs and crashes everything, even shouts when he whispers! Will shout through rooms when I'm on the loo to ask a question etc, will turn on bright lights and leave them on even when he's left the room. I like calm in my house, particularly in the mornings and before bed, but it's proving a contstand stress for me to get DH to just quieten down a bit.
We have talked about having another child, but I'm genuinely concerned about DH'S lack of calm and quiet which will no doubt contribute to any mental health problems I have once baby is born. It drove me to tears last time.
His whole body movements are loud and brash even. When he turns over in bed, he will do it so abruptly and forcefully, I often jump in my sleep and wake in a startle. I think I am very sensitive from a sensory point of view, which I know is not helping.
I love DH, bit this grates on me hugely and is starting to become a big turn off.

Dw is that you?

earplugs we live in a large house so I can be in another room as much as possible! More than one TV, so I don't have to listen at his volume etc. I appreciate this isn't an option for everyone.

He is working from home this morning. I think our neighbours can probably hear him on the phone!!

My major coping mechanism is staying up too late. Sounds bonkers, but he goes to bed early. I stay up for another hour most nights, just for the peace and quiet!

Re the moving about in bed like an elephant, we've got a super king size and it is fab!
He can move about all he likes and I don't notice. I'd highly recommend the biggest bed you can fit in your bedroom.

Snap on the giant bed iv got a super king at the mo. I’m going for two doubles pushed together next time lol.

Get two single beds and keep them together as a king. Just an few cms seperate. I just did this and it's a god send. Now when hubby flip flops over in his sleep I am blissfully unawares. I feel so much less on edge now I am getting better sleep.

I sympathise with the rest of the issues. Perhaps there is a hearing issue. Sometimes folk are just loud. Male and female.

Hope things get better

that's interesting that you didn't notice till DC came along

I couldn't date a "bull in china shop" type. I notice it immediately and it drives me mad. Of my female friends, I have one who is a bit loud and I can't go away with her because I couldn't cope with it, even a day with her is hard work - though she's lovely.

Yes. I had this when babies were born. Putting on the bright light with whirring fan in the ensuite loo, several times a night (waking the baby) banging the loo seat down, loud telephone conversations, bright and jarring overhead lights (I like gentle mood lighting). He actually got the 'creeping about' bit after baby 3 came along but it took a looooooong time and a massive effort, which drained me (along with EA and FA and SA which was also not great for our relationship). I am a weird introvert and could happily live in a fairy lit hovel with a million books and the TV on just audible. I don't want this shouting-across-walls, loudly singing, phone-shouty, whistling, massive shoe-wearing, brightly lit, door-barging, entitled bellend in my life anymore. It's like living with Mr Noisy (I forgot to mention the shit guitar playing WITH AN AMP)

spangle, so you didn't notice it before?

my mother has told me I'm noise phobic since I was a child. But I do wonder if people's ability to cope with noise can change. At some points I worked in really noisy busy jobs and was fine.

I have a friend who's been married - to the same man lol - for about 15 years and she's only just finding his noisy ways hard to cope with. I found him horribly noisy and don't like staying over (they live about 2 hours away from me) because I can hear him banging and crashing and he gets up at about 5!

Spangle " I am a weird introvert and could happily live in a fairy lit hovel with a million books and the TV on just audible."

me too but i must confess I don't know how people this introverted and noise-sensitive could live with a noisy person, let alone have three children. I always think of introversion and noise sensitivity as key components of not wanting children. It would be interesting to do a study.

The worst thing you can do is ask them to be quiet because someone's asleep. That means they will be unable to pass that person's door without having a coughing fit. EVERY TIME.

Dyspraxia? ASD? I thought dyspraxia for ages, but realised a couple of years ago it's ASD.

No self awareness, physically awkward. Etc.

What is SA?

Thrashing about in bed like a fish out of water. I can hear him and DS1 as they walk down the road- very distinctive stamping. He uses a straight arm to bang doors out of the way as he approaches them. I can't keep up with the amount of crockery he breaks- I've put mats down in the kitchen to help. He bumps into me, walks between me and the work surface while I'm getting dishes out of the oven. I wait patiently for him to move away from the kettle, then he takes a weird wandering route away so I have to dodge him again to get to it. He rattles the food around while he eats- yes, I know food doesn't rattle but he manages it. Argh.

Oh God, I've got one of these for a DH. He's a lovely adorable man, but my goodness he's loud and clumsy. Dyspraxic for sure. He works from home and when I pull up in the car I can hear him shouting on the phone through my closed car doors and closed front door! According to him its not shouting, its talking clearly.

And the clumsiness. I don't have an unchipped plate or bowl in the house as he misses the worktops or edges of cupboards and shelves when putting clean pots away. I've vowed to never pay more than 50p for a wine glass.

Sneezing is another thing.... he puts his whole voice behind every sneeze and shouts AAAACHOOOO. I know he can control it if he wants to because I once witnessed him do a very muffled quiet sneeze in the middle of a funeral service.

And vomiting! Mine roars when he vomits, as well as when he sneezes. He can't understand why the rest of us don't!

@thenightsky I've got that sneezer too....
And the chipping of plates and mugs.

As to the noticing, I think we've always been quite a loud busy house. I'm not an introvert, although I enjoy my own company. I think I have noticed a lot more over the last two years as we have had some issues in the family which have made me quite 'hypersensitive' to noise..... I'm not sure how to de sensitive myself now

Yeah mine has a tendency to be like this, he has his LOUD moments, although not as bad as he used to be......as I have pulled him up about it a few times

However....... He does display these traits sometimes..............

He makes comments (loudly!) in public, about random stuff, (politics and stuff in the news,) and looks around to see if people are looking at him. He also complains (when we are in a shop,) about how the customer service industry has gone down the pan with self serve tills. He says it VERY loudly whilst the staff are listening, but never says it directly to them.

He has VERY loud sneezes. WHY do men have such loud sneezes? WHY? It has to be attention seeking.

He talks loudly on the phone.

Everyone else has to know when he has got one on him. He stamps around with a face like thunder and shouts at inanimate objects. And when he is in a mood, he isn't content until everyone is as miserable as he is. Then when we are miserable too, he says 'what's wrong with YOUR face?!'

He never admits to being wrong, and even when presented with the evidence that he is the one in the wrong, he will still try and find a way to absolve himself, and sometimes blames me for stuff that is 100% not my fault.

In addition, just like other posters on here, some weeks, my husband has an obsession and keeps on about it. And he repeats things over and over again some weeks (often views on the news and politics and current affairs etc, like what he would do if he was prime minister, what he would do if he was in charge of the national health service blah blah!)

He also says things to shock sometimes, and will say (if someone cuts him up in the car) 'I hope he fucking dies of cancer!' When I ignore him, he says 'I bet you think I'm awful don't you?' Last time I said 'no.' He looked puzzled...'WHY?' he said. I said 'because you have said stuff like that so often that it's lost its shock value. And you seem disappointed when I don't react. So I can only surmise that you are saying it for a reaction.' He looks so disappointed then PMSL!

He also exaggerates stuff, and I have caught him out in quite a few lies. Only white lies, but lies nevertheless. I had a bad cold last year, and was in bed for a few days, and he told his workmates I had been hospitalised and in intensive care for 3 days! He also over inflates what he does at work, and makes his job sound way more superior than it actually is.

Oh and he chats over what I am watching too. So I just record it and watch it when he is at work. He will even put something on that HE wants to watch, and still chat through that. Can't seem to go 2 minutes without gabbling.

Loves to talk about his bowel movements too. What is with middle aged and older men and discussing the size of their shit, and how relieved they are now their bowel is empty.

Why am I with him?! Well, he isn't like this ALL the time; maybe a third LOL!

I know a number of other men who are the same.

I think above all, it's an attention seeking thing. Maybe they are insecure and enjoy the attention they get.

As I said, DH isn't like this all the time, and he used to be worse, but he is like this sometimes.

It must be a craving for attention. I don't know any women who behave like this. Yet many men seem to!

Anyone else have random 'rude' phrases for no real reason? Hairy bums, etc? It's like a verbal sigh. Just a random expression.

Actually, it's like a toddler pottering around saying 'bum bum bum'.

I'm sure he's getting less inhibited every day, and losing that veneer of civilisation that we train into our children!

LOL @picklemepopcorn I agree. They do come across as attention seeking toddlers sometimes!

My DH thinks also it's appropriate to say silly rude things sometimes. Bet he doesn't behave like this at work or in front of his mates though. I think it's quite childish, attention-seeking behaviour, and I am gobsmacked to see so many women saying their DH behaves the same.

Mine does it when he's alone as well. I think the random phrases are an expression of contentment, often.

In my DHs case, it really isn't attention seeking. More an expression of his inner world, I think. Possibly 'leaking' after having masked all day at work.

pickle "Mine does it when he's alone as well"

so you have watched him when he thought he was alone and he hums, "hairy bum bum bums...tiddly pom" sort of thing?

I twerk to club music. But l live alone. And it's not that offensive even if I didn't. Because that would be like this right?

SA = sexual abuse. All round noisy charmer