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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is too loud

71 replies

earplugsandchocolate · 25/09/2017 18:58

I never noticed just how loud DH is until DC came along. He couldn't speak quietly during bedtimes, would turn on bright lights after I'd asked him to keep lighting low during night feeds. A Complete novice when it came to creating a calm, quiet atmosphere for both baby and myself.
Fast forward 5 years and its really getting me down. DH has such a loud voice, I find myself trying to get away from him when in the house, he bangs and crashes everything, even shouts when he whispers! Will shout through rooms when I'm on the loo to ask a question etc, will turn on bright lights and leave them on even when he's left the room. I like calm in my house, particularly in the mornings and before bed, but it's proving a contstand stress for me to get DH to just quieten down a bit.
We have talked about having another child, but I'm genuinely concerned about DH'S lack of calm and quiet which will no doubt contribute to any mental health problems I have once baby is born. It drove me to tears last time.
His whole body movements are loud and brash even. When he turns over in bed, he will do it so abruptly and forcefully, I often jump in my sleep and wake in a startle. I think I am very sensitive from a sensory point of view, which I know is not helping.
I love DH, bit this grates on me hugely and is starting to become a big turn off.

OP posts:
Annaskies · 25/09/2017 20:49

I could have written this! Can really relate OP I'm definitely highly sensitive and he's bloody loud and brash it's not a good mix is it! Mines prone to sudden outburst as well he will make silly noises that may go back to a running joke with friends from 20 years ago, like a code word or sound that he likes to shout! Or he will loudly sing one line of a song about 50 times a day! When I'm in his company too long I have to go and sit in a quiet room to try and reset my balance! I don't have any advise only that I feel your pain.
Especially the parts about after having a baby as I find it very hard to have calm at times when calm is required.

Annaskies · 25/09/2017 20:50

advice

MrsWhirly · 25/09/2017 20:52

My DH is so loud! After a car journey with him, I get ear ache. Every know and then I lose it and tell him to shut it!

user1487175389 · 25/09/2017 20:54

Could he have hearing loss at all?

Alabasterangel6 · 25/09/2017 20:58

Yep. Every room my DH goes in he switches on a radio or TV (or both) or music on his mobile which then follows him around. I trail in his wake switching every bloody annoying device off again. Or I'll be at an interesting point of a program and he'll see something that sparks a thought and he'll be off, reminding me of some long loud and convoluted story about some old thing that happened or might happen or happened to someone else. And I sit there thinking 'I love you but WHY are you telling me this?'.

I get one day off work a week at home with no one else here for 5 hours. I spend it in silence.

I really feel for you!

phoenix1973 · 25/09/2017 21:06

Justgivemesomepeace
Sorry but your post made me howl! My DD is just like yours. Constant singing or chattering. Thumping around like a fairy elephant. I am not relaxed.
Oh drones on at length about his latest obsession.....i find it numbing after the first time. After the tenth time im ready to do the armdale jump.
Snoring. Super louD tv xbox amp sub. Awful. Thank fuck he finallu got headphones.
I am sensitive to light and sound which isnt his fault....but i believe hes deafish i keep saying get a test but he denies any problem...

gandalfspants · 25/09/2017 21:07

Can I join in? DH isn't that loud, though he has no awareness of volume so he's mid-range constantly, so from when talking when DD is asleep to when he's trying to get my attention from another room - all in a normal voice.

He's a bit deaf so TV and music are always really loud. He'll also have more than one thing on at once TV and radio, or TV and then play a video on the iPad - melts my brain.

When he turns over in bed he bounces and rotates (rather than rolls and slides like a normal person), wtf is that about?

He also needs to be asked/poked to move out of the way, and turns on lights (Imo) inappropriately.

Summerswallow · 25/09/2017 21:09

If TV is too loud, use subtitles, that means you can turn the volume down (turn the subtitles up to large if vision an issue!)

I am quite loud sometimes and my husband says 'stop shouting', I do feel a bit miffed but I do try to moderate my voice. We are all quite loud in our house and take it in turns to annoy each other.

BeachysFlipFlops · 25/09/2017 21:10

And walking into a room already talking, regardless of whether you are watching TV, listening to the radio or being on the phone Angry

Landy10 · 25/09/2017 21:22

This thread is hilarious, I'm crying with laughter! Summer I can just imagine your house Grin

Escapepeas · 25/09/2017 21:28

Argh. DH is softly spoken but MIL is loud and does not shut up! When he is on the phone to her I often have to leave the room or tell him to talk more quietly because he suddenly gets really loud and is virtually shouting down the phone.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 25/09/2017 21:30

Oh I've found my people. My Dh is exactly the same: so bloody loud all the time. Banging about, shouting all over the house, he's 6ft 2 and his feet always seem to be in my way Grin

Luckily we've had 2Dds who take after me.effect on every way

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 25/09/2017 21:30

Oh that should have been *perfect in every way.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 25/09/2017 21:32

Oh yes his phone voice, so shouty. I mouthed to him "Shhh, you're shouting". He'll look all Confused. He doesn't have a clue!

AnneElliott · 25/09/2017 21:50

Mine is like this too. He is actually partially deaf but he has the telly on top volume, asks me a question from another room and is then surprise he can't hear me!

And then shouts that he can't hear me, rather than turning the telly down.

And yy to crashing about the house!

Original poster
earplugsandchocolate · 26/09/2017 12:43

So many of us with foghorn husbands!
Anyone discovered a useful coping strategy yet or a way to get him to quieten down?!

OP posts:
dazedandconfused2016 · 26/09/2017 12:53

Gosh, I'm glad I live alone Grin

haveacupoftea · 26/09/2017 12:58

My DP is like a bull, clattering around the house and talking loudly. However I have anxiety and I find if I'm not taking medication I find it really hard to cope with. If I am then i am happy to be in his company. So I think it's more my mental health issue causing him to grate on me than his actual behaviour.

Although i could be on the strongest medication ever and still hate it when he eats pizza loudly

bluit · 26/09/2017 14:55

Mine has 2 TVs on at once in the house, whilst he's in the garage with the radio blaring.

If I'm out he's always got all the ceiling lights in the house on, like "Blackpool illuminations" as my mum would say.

And why the fuck does he have to go and make a cup of tea just as a programme you've been waiting to watch comes on, and makes an almighty racket about it. THEN STANDS IN FRONT OF THE TV CHATTING.

2rebecca · 26/09/2017 15:15

You mustn't have minded at the beginning of the relationships though. I can't imagine staying in a relationship with a shouty tapper beyond a month. I would rather be on my own.
I am always surprised by surveys showing the main characteristic women want in a man is a sense of humour, no I want a man who is calm and knows when to shut up.
There are lots of shouty, wittery women out there so I presume some folk just like a constant din.

Blossomdeary · 26/09/2017 15:23

Ear plugs.

NC04 · 26/09/2017 20:26

Mine likes noise, but isn't particularly himself. But there are times I've come home to find the tv on, and two radios on in the garden (different stations) and him within hearing distance of none of them!

I'm currently hiding in the bedroom as he's put a cd on. It's too loud for me, but he has a friend here who's enjoying it so I can't really turn it off. Think I might have dinner and go to the shed. There's heat and light there so quite comfortable.

He was away last weekend and it was bliss. Had the tv for about 2.5 hours in total. It would have been on far more than that if he'd been here. And it's so nice to be able to read for half an hour without having the TV blaring away. He's thinking of going away again this weekend. I'm trying to persuade him to go!

Ttbb · 26/09/2017 20:37

Can you drug him? But in all seriousness I don't think I could tollerate this. For all the mess my husband creates and anxiety he gives me this is a thousand times worse. Is there sone kind of surgery he could have to help him? Or maybe you could purposefully deafen yourself?

Adviceneeded123 · 26/09/2017 23:13

Its obviously a man thing then! [Grin]

Lilifer · 26/09/2017 23:35

I haven't had time to rtft but oh my god OP I can so identify with this and sympathise, my dh is exactly the same. I especially recognise the really abrupt turning in bed thing which always disturbs me and feels almost aggressive! Also my dh had such a loud voice I sometimes partially block my ears when he is bellowing around the place . He also roars (he calls it just raising his voice) at me when I am in another room instead of just coming to the room I'm in and just speaking at a normal pitch. I hate being roared at it actually make me feel really anxious Sad