he's just left - what now?

[fixtheironingboard]

He went this morning. Things have been bad for years. I'm no saint - not at all - but I've been in therapy for a year working on my / our issues and there was a limit as to how much I could make things better on my own. He's made no effort and has continued to bully and stonewall me and I've had it. I gave him a choice this morning - marriage counselling or he leaves, and he left.

I'm mainly relieved. But I want to close my eyes and wake up in a year, when all the practicalities are over and I don't have to deal with this any more.

Just updating.

It's been a quiet week and I've had a nice weekend. I've been sad at times, but I haven't felt lonely. Most evenings he'd sit in the living room wearing headphones and playing computer games. I'd feel resentful at being ignored, or just get on with my own stuff. At least now I can get on with my own stuff and enjoy that sense of relief.

I've seen him a couple of times around kid drop offs, which he is being reliable for. He's been quiet - sometimes sullen, sometimes cordial.

This week is going to be hard. One of the kids has a birthday and he's made noises about staying over the night before to wake up with her in the morning. I'd prefer that he didn't do that, and I've told him, but I can't legally prevent him and she might prefer that anyway.

I'm also working away all this weekend (arranged months ago) and he'll be staying in the house to take care of them. I have a horrible feeling that once he's ensconced he'll decide he'd rather be here. And I don't want that.

Didn't eat or sleep too well towards the start of this week, but that's better now: I had a good night last night and a lovely time and lovely sunday dinner with the kids today. Things are so much HAPPIER.

Perhaps the storm is yet to come. I'm still half-hoping that he'll be willing to do therapy, but I am not going to wait forever. I will give it another couple of weeks, then get the house valued and start figuring out what is possible in terms of buying him out.

I would tell him that now that you've split, he can't stay at the house. Tell him to take the kids to his mum's.

Also,tell the children.

I have told the children. And I have told him I don't want to stay at the house. But he legally owns it with me, he isn't violent to me or them, so I can't prevent him.