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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to cope with being ghosted

38 replies

Hueandcry · 25/09/2017 12:42

3 weeks ago I was ghosted by a guy I've been seeing for 10 months. Just disappeared. We were messaging as normal, making plans one day & the next he was gone. I'm struggling to get over it. Not that I want him back but I just feel so confused & disrespected. Advice welcome

OP posts:

Shayelle · 26/09/2017 07:47

Thats awful op. Cant imagine doing that to someone. Take care of yourself xx

Original poster

Hueandcry · 26/09/2017 08:31

Haha stopfuckingshoutingatme that did make me laugh

OP posts:

GU24Mum · 26/09/2017 09:46

Are you sure he hadn't lied about already being in a relationship and his partner has just found out? Sounds odd and very rude - just remember that it really isn't you and it is him.

trumptown · 26/09/2017 16:29

Hueandcry so sorry this has happened to you. It's happened to me in the last week too. I've name changed for this so as to not out myself. I was having a long distance relationship for a year with someone who suddenly blocked me completely about a week ago.

I now wonder if he's married or in a long-term relationship, and either she found out, or he had second thoughts and decided to cut contact without saying anything. Either way, I'm partly relieved as it was hard work (he lives overseas) but also really angry that someone could be so callous. I'm tempted to text him from another phone just to let him know how I feel. I know he'll block me again straightaway but I can't help wanting to have the final word!! And send him some pictures of me looking fantastic.

It's petty I know. Anyway, not to hijack your thread or anything!! Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Original poster

Hueandcry · 26/09/2017 17:51

I don't think he was in another relationship but who knows? I'm beginning to think i didn't know him at all. He's certainly not the kind of man i want in my life if he's capable of doing this...
Sorry to the others this had happened to. It's not us it's them

OP posts:

Changedname3456 · 26/09/2017 18:35

Wow. What a difference gender can make.

"Twat", "cunt", "loser" - all used by pp here to describe the guy's (rude and cowardly) behaviour.

On a different thread on here, a male OP (rightly) gets called out three different ways to Sunday because he dared to say the person he'd seen was "acting like a pig" for ghosting him. Mild by comparison to some of the comments here.

Original poster

Hueandcry · 26/09/2017 18:50

Not sure what your point is but it doesn't really help my situation. I think everyone has an easy get out clause these days with how we communicate but it doesn't make it right.

OP posts:

userxx · 26/09/2017 19:27

Changed - ghosting after a few dates and ghosting after months of being in a relationship are very different. You can't compare the two situations.

I understand what you mean about the double standards though - a fair few on that other thread are quite clearly man haters.

Changedname3456 · 26/09/2017 19:41

OP yeah, sorry it doesn't help you - apologies for the slight derail but the difference was so striking.

FWIW, anyone that uses OLD gets this a lot (whether they're male or female), although it's exceptionally crappy behaviour after 10 months. He should have had the decency and moral courage to tell you, not just drop contact.

This discussion comes up fairly regularly on the board and there's always a split between those that think it's just rude (I'm one) and those that think it's fine and "why should they bother" telling the person.

Slightly irrelevant, I know, but ghosting isn't only an Internet / recent thing. I remember it happening to some of my mates as a teen. The girl they'd been dating literally ignoring them and crossing the road if they saw them! That's possibly even worse.

PollytheDoily · 26/09/2017 19:48

What a turd.

Tameagobairanois · 26/09/2017 20:40

changedname the difference is this
OP in this case had dated him, slept with him, grown attached to him, met his friends and vice versa, and yet her post was to question her own judgement.

Male OP had dated a woman 4 or 5 times and said she was behaving like a pig for not responding to him.

Hth

Original poster

Hueandcry · 27/09/2017 10:35

That's typical of me though. Someone else behaves badly & i question myself. It's ridiculous

OP posts:

Tameagobairanois · 27/09/2017 17:29

Im the same.
I was too boring/too old/not elusive enough blah blah blah.
I never hate the man. I build him up. Well i try not to but i have done a couple of times.

It must be easier to brush it off. Middle ground is brushing it off.
Other extreme is calling them pig/dick.
Im aiming for middle ground!

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