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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some help

5 replies

Margie74 · 25/09/2017 06:04

Hi this is my first time posting on anything but really would appreciate any advice. 3 years ago I fell madly in love, sometimes the relationship was good sometimes not he was still speaking with his ex behind my back and he blew extremely hot and cold. Anyway he dumped my after a year and I was devastated, I quickly fell into another relationship with a knewI knew very well and who proclaimed he loved me for a long time, I was extremely lonely and devastated by the break up that I fell for his charms and four months later I fell pregnant. I knew he was a rebound that I was seeking comfort,he left straight away when he found I was pregnant, I was devastated at becoming pregnant my children were all grown up and I thought my life was starting. My ex then returned declaring he made a mistake and I told him about the pregnancy, he was extremely annoyed and couldn't believe I didn't just wait for him even though he dumped me by text and gave me no indication that I should wait,which I would have. I developed severe depression and started self harming, I had my baby and post natal depression enivatably followed which I am struggling with. My ex and I have stayed in contact, he knows how sorry I am that I didn't wait, he blows hot and cold, we've never actually got back together, but one minute he's fine with me texting away and when we bump into each other he's great then suddenly he goes ice cold again. My life feels upside down, I've developed health problems and need an operation, I'm struggling severely with post natal depression, I love my baby dearly but as horrendous as it sounds still struggle to accept the fact I've had another child so late in life. I'm in turmoil, I'm trying to keep my head above water, my family don't speak to me since I had baby and am still desperately in love with my ex all the while trying to figure motherhood out again. Please if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated, thankyou

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 25/09/2017 08:44

Eh? Why are you sorry? You were supposed to sit and wait for him to change his mind??

Please please do not waste any more time on this man, he is bad for your health, go no contact on him for your own well being. It sounds like you really need some help. Are you getting any support for the PND? Have you got friends and family that can help?

Happinesssssss · 25/09/2017 08:54

What a sad story. Why have your family turned against you? Are you getting appropriate help re your pnd? Don't hold on to the dream of getting back with this man.

hellsbellsmelons · 25/09/2017 09:01

This 'man' is an absolute twat.
I cannot believe you are apologising to him for not waiting after HE dumped you.
I have no idea what lessons you learned about relationships growing up but this is not a good one.
Cut him off.
No contact.
Block him on everything. Text, whatsapp, facebook, all social media.
Then move on from him and find yourself.
Please contact Womens Aid and sign up to do their Freedom Programme.
There are so many red flags and you are choosing to ignore all of them.
Makes Womens Aid the one call you make today.
Ensure you are getting all the help support you need for your PND.

Annelind · 25/09/2017 09:02

This man is toxic. He has you right where he wants you - DANGLING. Please don't let him do this. Go no contact, and concentrate on your health. I feel you are more in love with the idea of him, rather than the real man, who treated/treats you so shabbily.

Margie74 · 25/09/2017 13:09

Hi thankyou for the replies. My family don't agree with me being an unwed mother and they behave like I have brought shame to the family and because I have "mental" issues, even though I'm struggling with health issues too they are no support. I will definitely contact Women's Aid, thankyou for recommending. With regards to my pnd I have tried a number of medications but due to a heart condition they are affecting it and I had to stop. Thankyou all also with advice regarding my ex. I can see that he does treat me poorly but somehow I struggle desperately to move on. I feel very very alone which is why I came to this site and I thank you for taking the time to answer x

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