Hi this is my first time posting on anything but really would appreciate any advice. 3 years ago I fell madly in love, sometimes the relationship was good sometimes not he was still speaking with his ex behind my back and he blew extremely hot and cold. Anyway he dumped my after a year and I was devastated, I quickly fell into another relationship with a knewI knew very well and who proclaimed he loved me for a long time, I was extremely lonely and devastated by the break up that I fell for his charms and four months later I fell pregnant. I knew he was a rebound that I was seeking comfort,he left straight away when he found I was pregnant, I was devastated at becoming pregnant my children were all grown up and I thought my life was starting. My ex then returned declaring he made a mistake and I told him about the pregnancy, he was extremely annoyed and couldn't believe I didn't just wait for him even though he dumped me by text and gave me no indication that I should wait,which I would have. I developed severe depression and started self harming, I had my baby and post natal depression enivatably followed which I am struggling with. My ex and I have stayed in contact, he knows how sorry I am that I didn't wait, he blows hot and cold, we've never actually got back together, but one minute he's fine with me texting away and when we bump into each other he's great then suddenly he goes ice cold again. My life feels upside down, I've developed health problems and need an operation, I'm struggling severely with post natal depression, I love my baby dearly but as horrendous as it sounds still struggle to accept the fact I've had another child so late in life. I'm in turmoil, I'm trying to keep my head above water, my family don't speak to me since I had baby and am still desperately in love with my ex all the while trying to figure motherhood out again. Please if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated, thankyou