need to let off steam about my mum

[jenk1]

got a phone call about 5.30pm, we are coming up in half an hour for an hour is that ok?

Now i love my mum to bits but since ive had my daughter who is 3, i have begun to see her in a new light especially with regards to the way i was brought up which was very strict.

so she brought my 2 neices with her, my youngest neice she kept telling to be quiet, she was only expressing an opinion and saying she didnt want a bath because she had one at her mums the previous night, "Ive just changed my bed, if you are stopping at my house tonight and staying in my bed you will have a bath" to which my neice said she would sleep on the settee and my mum got annoyed with her and shouted at her, so i then told my mum off as my neice was in tears.
she,s not a bad person, she,s been a good mum but she,s very stuck in her ways which are almost victorian and i get annoyed when i see her trying to do it to the grandchildren.
she demanded that i turn the tv over and i ignored her, so she asked louder, i gave in, then she asked for subtitles to be put on and when my neice sat in front of her said very sharply to her "EXCUSE ME".

I just see her in a new light these days and it makes me annoyed.
It may sound trivial and maybe it is but i just feel the need to rant!!!!

Message withdrawn

i know!!!
when i think of the rubbish i put up with as a child and yet when i see her doing it to any of mine or my neices i get mad.
She doesnt understand, i have told her in the past that i think she was too strict and that we werent allowed an opinion but she just says she was a stressed mum of 4, well im a stressed mum of 2 -both with SN but i dont treat them that way.
i suppose she,ll not change, she,s too old now although my dad has mellowed somewhat as he.s got older.

there is this book about the history of childhood and one part that i particularly like is the view that being a parent is an oppoturnity we have to relive our childhood but from a better point of view.

i think this way we can revisit many of those issues that have been locked away. i guess what im saying is thats what you are doing at the moment jenk is a reevaluation of what you've been told and taught by your mother. which is a really good thing to do.

you are spot on there jabuti. thats what i have been doing these past few weeks, im having counselling at the moment for depression and its brought up a whole lot of issues from my childhood and i am feeling a but hacked off with my parents but especially my mum.

whats the name of this book cos id be very interested in buying it

Hey Jenk, going through something v.similar at the moment. With mum and stepdad. Having DD and seeing how they interact with her, has made me realise, why I went through certain things growing up. Like being shy, nervous etc... I would like to read that book too! I have made a concious effort to boost my DD confidence and to allow her to be the individual she wants to be! I too am hacked off with my parents, but I guess all we can do is try and learn from their mistakes, becos you are soooo right, theyre too old to change.

hi ladies,

that book is called 'the history of childhood' by lloyd demause. its not so much a psychological view of childhood (although it does have a bit of it) but more about the evolution of the idea of childhood. in the distant past children were seen as small people and not as children. you can take a pick here:

here

if you click on excerpt, you can read few pages about 'the evolution of childhood' that will give you a good idea what the book is about.

there is this idea that throughout generations we have learned how to treat children better through empathy (unfortunately some people never develope empathy and thats how we end up with a society full of abusers). like if in the middle age times people would beat them senseless, nowadays its considered abuse because we have 'evolved'. its all very interesting.

you might want to google childhood and 'psychology', 'behaviour', and perhaps more precise words such as 'abuse', 'projection', and i think you might find more information about childhood from the psychological point of view.

there is this classical book called 'I'm OK, You're OK', its old, but gives a good insight on how we treat people in this 'adult/parent/child' mode that can help to understand the relationships around you.

i've been in therapy in the past and it was all about my family, and it was really hard. i cried a lot during that period but i came out on the other side a much better person, being able to understand what happened in my family, instead of just repeating what i had lived.

oppps, i hope i havent bored you all! happy easter!