Advice and wise words needed :(

[LucozadeAddict]

Myself an dp have decided to split, he doesn't seem to care. I am upset but after everything that's happened and how he has spoken to me I know it's for the best really.

As he was leaving to go out this morning I had a cry but he came back in and heard me I didn't want him to see or hear me as he flounces around like he doesn't give a shit.

How can I deal with it and keep myself together until he moves out? (Shouldn't be longer than a week)

Why can't he be the one crying, how is he so not bothered about leaving me and his children!

We don't know him, but maybe he's crying in private just as you wanted to.
Some men are arseholes, but a great many just aren't brought up (and self-educated when older) to recognise and effectively deal with their emotions.

As for how you hold it together, maybe find some time every single day to remind yourself why this is happening, and that this too will pass.

There will be a sunrise tomorrow.

I saw something on FB that made a lot of sense to me:

"If you are going through hell, keep walking"

I am splitting from my DH, but we have decided to spend the next 4-6 months saving and planning so that we both get a good start - it will be better for DC as well. Most of the time it's ok, but I do get a really sad feeling every now and again, and we do argue.

Keep thinking of the future. Remind yourself of why you are doing this. Dream and plan your future. Think of your DC and be strong.

it's very new for you, it will get better.

It could be that he has been plannng and preparing for this split for some time, if not in practical ways, then in mental and emotional ways.
So for him it's not a shock, it's what he wants, so he isn't as devastated as you are.

Also, he may already see it as moving on to a new stage in his life which he is excited about, while you are left worrying how you will cope with the children and the remnants of your old life with him.

It's a horrible time, but you will get through it.

He's being planning it probably for ages & is already used to it

Has he checked in elsewhere?

How do you stop yourself from going on and on trying to talk about shit to them? I feel horrible and even worse how he's acting like he doesn't care. I'm so shit at keeping my mouth shut and holding my emotions in.

Well, you are mourning, it's natural to be emotional. My DH is also very good at "shutting off", he just doesn't feel it. I expect a lot of men are like that.

I think you need to allow yourself to have an emotional reaction. It's not going to benefit you if you try to repress it. I have personally done a lot of crying in the last few years trying to make a decision, so I am done now. I do have the occasional outburst, usually when I speak to my sister about it, but overall I have managed to mostly control it now. It makes me feel stronger.

I think you need to have a good think about how you can cause the least amount of pain to yourself. It's not easy, but we do to a certain extent choose our reactions. If you allow yourself some reaction, perhaps phone a friend, or letting it out here on MN, then maybe you could avoid a meltdown with your soon to be ex - these meltdowns are so bad for your self-esteem in such a fragile part of your life.

Try to think of who you want to be. I personally think of the 10 years that my DM was severely depressed after her and my DF divorced, and I am not going to waste 10 years of my life mourning my divorce! This really helps and makes me strong, having a clear idea of who I want to be and who I don't want to be. I want to show my DC that I am still their mother, and that divorce is not the end of the world.