I feel sick. What do I even begin to think about this?

[whatthef9]

I split up with my ex a couple of months ago, found out he'd been having sex chat with random women online and not for the first time. We were together 9 years.

I'm finding it hard to move on so I googled his name to see if he was on any dating sites, but was shocked to see him on a fetish site. Apparently there's a fetish called DDLG which stands for daddy doms and little girls.. apparently he's new to it and is looking for a "little."

Does anyone know anything about this? I've read about it and it just seems so creepy :(

We had a pretty normal relationship so I'm a bit shocked he would be into something like this. I feel sick because I look young for my age(25) and it just makes me feel ill. He's only a couple of years older than me.

I know I shouldn't have been googling him but I couldn't help myself, and now I can't get it out of my head. Am I overreacting here? I feel like I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as it makes me feel ashamed, even though it's not like I've done anything wrong.

Therapy and sex should not mix.

Whatever anyone thinks - 'grim' 'wrong' etc. it's legal and no one's business but those consenting adults who engage in it.
Many thousands of quite sane people of all walks of life engage in sub/Dom relationships - of which 'age play' is just one form - there's a massive scene in the UK and Europe. It's perfectly legal, healthy and actually pretty normal.

Well done OP - I don't think you've offended anyone. Your bewilderment is palpable and unsurprising after having been with this person for nine years. In many ways finding this out, however difficult now, might actually help you to move on. Good luck.

@BertieBotts who are you to say therapy and sex shouldn't mix? In a professional setting I would agree however, two consenting adults within there own four walls, and in a loving relationship why the hell not? If both partners are happy to indulge it then why not.

My partner indulges my love for the little things, he'll happily sit and watch Disney for me, he buys me bears from build a bear which I sleep with every night. And then every day when my life calls I'm a normal person.

My kink is my kink. And you don't have to like it, but it helps me. Helps my aniexty which was crippling before this.

Op - I understand how you must be feeling. It can be hard to discover this in your partner while your still together and able to start a conversation. When your not together and unable to ask it just be awful to let your mind run away. Be kind to yourself. Don't google him. And find someone you are compatible with

Be grateful you got turned off.

That is more flippant and less sympathetic than it sounds because i once discovered something that was a shock to me in a very similar way. On a forum. I was winded for a few days but now I'm so glad I know because finally, finally I got turned off

So that's that chapter closed thank god.

littleboo couldn't agree more and just wanted to add that it's usually the repression of sexual urges that lands people in therapy not the other way round.

I agree with poster user1480334601. Sexualising a parent/child relationship If that is something that helps with your anxiety you need to look at what's causing your anxiety. Stop the world I want to get off indeed. I don't judge you for having this 'kink' littlebooinabox but I would judge anybody who tried to reframe something quite unhealthy as a healthy way of dealing with anxiety.

While this is disturbing to learn, try focussing ahead now. You have free time that you're not with him to invest in you not in cyber stalking .

Some people fear growing up and functioning as adults, particularly those who suffer anxiety. In some cases this can be caused by childhood trauma.

I'm not convinced that spending some pretending to be a child and involving sex in that fantasy is at all a healthy way to deal with anxiety.

In fact, trying to hold on to a child's perspective in adulthood can lead to maladaption, emotional distress, unhappiness.

Trying to soothe one abnormal mental state (anxiety) with what is effectively another abnormal mental state (fantasy of being a child when you're not) is not likely to be productive in the long run.

crikey, some of you on here are just so cool about anything festishy that its painful. Sorry but for me guys in late 20's looking for short shirts, colouring in and lollipops and baby talk-- we are in my opinion only 1 step above the p word and OP, yes it would give me the creeps too. I appreciate there are a lot of people on here open to anything but lets not forget that many of us dont find this kind of fetish normal or ok and the OP has every right to find it creepy without trying to make her 'chill' . OP, I think you dodged a bullet to be honest.

How can you be compatable with a man who is pretending to have sex with his little child

Because he isn't pretending to have sex with a child. That isn't what it's about. It's about being child like, and for most couples it's just an extension of Dom / sub. There are still rules but the rules change i.e. A bedtime, brushing teeth. Things of that nature. For most couples in the scene sex doesn't happen in little space.

It's a role two adults play. Consenting adults. Educate yourselfs.

If it isn't for you, fair enough. But don't belittle others who are into it.

Educate yourselfs

Oh the irony...

I don't understand why anyone would search for a ex on dating/sex sites. He's your ex and by doing this you are kind of stalking him which makes you look even more stupid than him. He's not doing anything wrong, he's single and it's not illegal. You need to stop stalking him and move on with your life.

Two different issues here.

First one, stop googling him, his sex life is none if your business.

Secondly, On the daddy thing, I'm sorry, it might be legal but i really don't think it's healthy or normal to get off on acting like a child as part of a sexual relationship, or to get off on seeing someone debase themselves and act as a child . And if the Domimant partner is actually called mummy or daddy as part of the relationship that's just plain wrong. No way is that healthy or normal.

As a keen BDSMer I nonetheless find DDLG incomprehensible. I get the role play bit (though it isn't a scene I'd choose) but the sex bit ... nah. Listed with piss play and slave training under "not my thing".

I think the context for the OP means she's reassessing every interaction she ever had with him, like if you found out that an ex was cross dressing or something. It's an unusual kink to get into out of nowhere, so you'd feel certain that he was seeking some aspects of it when he was with you.

I don't understand how the OP managed to get past all encryptions to uncover the username.