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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband has walked out on me

7 replies

twinkle04 · 23/09/2017 18:36

Big rant, as I have no friends and family around me.......
My DH suffers from depression and we have had our fair share of arguments over the last year (always blamed on me no matter what - to which I always apologies for and at times I am not sure why) anyway he walked out on me last night. I dont even know why but I was locked out of my house with my DS (age 5) and I could not get hold of him. It turned out he went to a friends after work without and not feeling the need to tell me, luckily I managed to sit with a friend. After about 60 missed calls I got hold of him to which he came home opened the door and got ready to walk back out. I asked him what was wrong and he just shouted at me and pushed me out of his road. My DS heard this and got upset to which my DH consoled him then walked out. He called me about 10mins later stating he does not need to justify himself and that we are over and he just wants to talk about how we come to an agreement for our DS. I am in total shock as things had been going so well and we had just been on a weekend holiday as a family.
He did mention about a month ago about getting his own place as he needs space.
My DS wanted to speak with him today to which he didnt pick up calls. We have since tried and he spoke to him for 2 mins and said to him he was not coming home. Then I receive a text asking when I am out tomorrow so he can come and collect some clothes peacefully.......I am just broken and lost and have no idea what to do next.

OP posts:

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 23/09/2017 18:48

OP, has he been diagnosed with depression, is he on any medication for it? sometimes people can be arseholes, not because they are depressed but just because they are arsholes. Now is the point where you have to be strong OP, you have to give yourself a shake and say.....I don't need this shit, I can do this.
who is the friend he visited after work?

Lovemusic33 · 23/09/2017 18:50

we have had our fair share of arguments over the past year then you say things had been going so well ,it doesn't sound like things were going that well if you argue a lot.

He sounds like he's controlling, making you feel guilty when you argue? Making out things are your fault?

Living with someone with depression isn't easy, you feel like your tip toeing around them all the time, you feel sorry for them and you put up with their mood swings. Something obviously had to give and he is the one that has decided to do something about it. I know it's not easy but maybe him taking some time out is what he needs, maybe it's best for both of you?

Stay strong for your DS, let your dh collect his things and then discus how you are going to parent your DS together and keep things amicable. I know it's upsetting but don't let him see that you are broken.

SandyY2K · 23/09/2017 18:54

Sounds like he has another woman and you are an irritation to him.

Why don't you have a key to your home?

Wheelycote · 23/09/2017 19:02

This is a time to focus your energy on you and your son.

For whatever reason he is focusing his energy on himself.

Take a moment to take stock of what's happened. It can feel like being thrown into an alternate universe were your faced with a new reality. Accept the feelings of confusion....it'll take you a moment to see the situation from any real perspective. And that's what you need right now.....but it may take a little while for the shock to subside.
Focus your energy on yourself and son right now

Original poster

twinkle04 · 23/09/2017 19:17

Thankyou for your responses. My DH has been diagnosed with depression and is on tablets for it but it just seems to be getting worse. We do argue alot, at times, but then sometimes can be so good for weeks then back to arguing.
I didnt have my keys as my older DS (16) had them and went out with friends before i got home from work. My DH is usually home before me so I didnt think any difference.
His friend (male) stays near his work. I did ask if there was another female and his response was no (and I do believe
that deep down)

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 23/09/2017 19:21

OP it sounds as though... you might just be much better off without him.. I know it is hard right now.. but he's not been nice to you for a very long time.. this trip away for he weekend might have been a make or break for him... but having to call 60 odd times to gain entry to your own home is utterly appalling...

JaneEyre70 · 23/09/2017 19:24

I think you need to back right off from him, and let him understand the implications of his actions. To leave you outside your home with your child is inexcusable, as is behaving the way he did in front of them. You may feel like your world has caved in, but depression is no excuse for treating people like shit. You deserve better , deep breath, you can do this.

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