DH is nasty to me then just storms off if I try to talk or pull him up on his behaviour

[PopcornAddicted]

I’m just never allowed my say, as he storms off and won’t ever listen and tells me to shut up.

I’m not feeling well today. If I’m ill he gets moody and won’t speak to me or do anything in the house or with the kids. I’ve just asked him why he’s moody as I’m not well and he’s said why don’t I just shut up for once and that he can’t be doing with me when I’m ‘being like this’ and he’s just stormed out and taken my car with him.

He’s always allowed to say what he wants, he’s allowed boundaries, he’s allowed to behave as he wants but I’m never allowed to have my say.

I’m in floods of tears now as I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and now I’ve got to manage on my own for the rest of the day.

He chose to act like he does, you did not cause him to do this. He just wants to blame you for all his inherent ills. BTW what are his parents like; chances are one or even both of them act the self same to get their own way.

You're not the only one being affected by these behaviours from your H; your children are as well. They see and hear probably a lot more than you may well realise. This is no legacy to leave your children.

Its not your fault you are unwell and I presume he expects to be and is treated far differently when he gets sick.

"He’s always allowed to say what he wants, he’s allowed boundaries, he’s allowed to behave as he wants but I’m never allowed to have my say."

So what does that tell you about the state of your relationship if you are not allowed any say. Abuse as he is showing you is not about a lack of communication, its about power and control and this man wants absolute over you all.

Womens Aid are worth contacting and I would urge you to talk to them on 0808 2000 247.

It’s really dawning on me lately how much I do just to avoid him being moody. I work from home and often end up not doing my work and doing things in the house instead because I’m worried about him being moody. And I ‘let things go’ far more than I should because he will just never discuss anything with me and always says I’m trying to cause an argument. He always says things that are really below the belt too when I try to tackle anything with him.

Being nasty and storming off is deliberate, it's designed to get you to STFU. This is who he is and there isn't a parallel universe where he's different, so stop waiting around for the 'new' him to show up. He doesn't respect you and you didn't do anything to warrant his disrespect.

You're asking the wrong question, it isn't 'why is he like this?', it's 'why do I let him treat me this way'? You can't answer first question but you should and can answer the second.

I don’t know why I let it happen but I feel like nows the time to not let it happen anymore

Let him be moody. He's a moody fucker. Do whatever the fuck you want. If he gets in a mood, so what? He doesn't want to discuss, so don't, just do exactly as you damn well please. That can include refusing to listen to him complain.

Keep your car keys on you so he can't take your car again.

Would you want your children when adults to have a relationship like you describe?. No you would not want this for them either.

That should also be an impetus to make a better life for yourself going forward without him in it. Such men do not change; they feel entitled to act as they do and he does this also because he can and it works for him.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up; did your own parents show you similar in their relationship?.

My dad behaved (and still does behave) like this towards my mum; always moody and angry and controlling and mum scurrying around trying to please him, right down to her having short hair as my dad has declared women with long hair to be ‘sluts’.

In theory I’d like to ignore his moods but it’s hard, I hate there being an atmosphere at home, I get so upset.

Get rid of him. You'll be so much happier.

It's designed to control you. I would not be engaging. So he gets moody. So what? Just let him get in with it and you live your life (ideally without him in it)
And, yes, hide your car keys.

You'll never have a voice or be right in this relationship. Tell him in no uncertain terms, if he doesn't start listening to you and continues to disrespect you, you will leave him. Up to him, his choice to change or he can carry on and you'll split.

Ltb

He's unkind and you don't want the same relationship your mum had but you're repeating the pattern. End the cycle and break up with him