My partner thinks he's "it"

[lifesteeth]

Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, I know you lot will tell me if I am!

Basically I have a 6 year old son who has always been difficult, he's always naughty at school, in other peoples houses, at home, in the street...he's a nightmare 80% of the time. He also has other worrying behaviour like excessive thirst, obsessions about things being "perfect", terrible temper outbursts where he turns violent etc...I am actually quite worried about him.

Anyway I made the mistake of discussing my worries with my partner who a) has never had kids and b) has never had anything to do with raising kids and c) doesnt live with us so doesnt see what I see.

Anyway his first response was "hmm! well he's not got OCD before you say it" I never mentioned OCD and how the hell would he know anyway?

So I said I never thought it was OCD but I'm starting to wonder just what it is, he replies "he's just testing his boundries, he's fine when I'm there", I explained that I thought it was more than that so he said "nah, when I had a word with his last time you could practically see a light bulb switch on in his head showing that he'd understood and processed what I'd said and he was fine after that" so blood pressure rising slightly I said "don't you think other people have talked to him in the same way and he's been fine for that day and started up again the next? its not as easy as just "Having a word" so he again rubbished my concerns and said "I'll talk to him when I come down next" yes ok my image of perfect parenthood!

so after 8 years of parenting, 6 years of dealing with a difficult one and 2 years of raising them by myself he still thinks its a case of walking in, knowing them for a few months and magically solving our problems? ok maybe some of you might say "at least he's trying" but I think he's being bloody patronising myself.

Over to you...

oh I should also add that he thinks my son is behaving like this due to his hormones...at 6!

YOur partner could well be right about his hormones

When boys get to about 5, they get a testosterone surge.

If you don't want him to try to help you, don't talk to him about it. As you say, he has not kids, he doesn't understand, offload on someone who won't try to butt in.

I agree with colditz. If hearing your DP's opinion uspets you so much then don't ask for it.
From what you say he seems an ok guy to me. He is offering to help by talking to your ds, and by doing so is taking on some responsibility. I think thats nice

Sorry to ask..... what does OCD stand for?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

ok maybe I am just a stubborn bitch lol!

Lifesteeth, I noticed another thread you'd posted about your Ds recently ( I think )
Be honest with us, what do you suspect is going on with him?
I'm curious, as I see similarities with my DS.

no your'e not, you maybe just a mite possesive about your ds and don't want dp airing his own opinions on your son, but that doesn't make you a bad person

The excessive thirst and voilent temper outbursts you mention made me think of diabetes - have you spoken to your GP about any possible medical causes for his behaviour?
As for your fella, on the one hand he could be just interfering, but on the other hand it can be easier to think of possible solutions when you are not 'in the middle' of the problem IYSWIM.

Lifesteeth, I do understand your annoyance with your dp. Dh works long hours including weekends and has often come across as the "perfect parent" when I have had a tougher than normal day. However, once he's had 2 weeks of holidays with us all he usually admits they can be a handful sometimes Have you spoken to your ds's teacher or your gp about your concerns regarding your son?

Chocolate Face - I honestly don't know, in a way...and I know it sounds awful but I'm half hoping that there IS some reason for it, sometimes I wonder if it's ADD or something like that...I've even thought about Autism, Aspergers, his behaviour is so irrational...

DP of course doesnt "believe" in these types of illnesses, he thinks it's just a made up illness by parents of naughty kids.

I can imagine how annoying it must be for you but if you can just think how great it is that your dp has the skills of communication and will actually talk to your ds.

Its such an important part of parenting and life. I think its great what he's doing.

ist's the old mars-venus thing isn't it? you're female so you wanted to solve your problem by discussing it; dp is a bloke so he thought he was helping by 'solving' the problem for you and making it go away. Infuriating for both of you.

There's a book called 'the proper care and feeding of husbands' - now don't all throw stuff at me, I am not a surrendered wife or anything - but there is a bit in that when the author says it's tough on blokes because they think they are helping you and doing a good thing by telling you how to solve your problem, but when they do this we get all angry and dissatisfied and they don't know why. I find this to be very true.

If you want to know what he thinks you should do, ask him. if you want to talk things over, tell him you don't expect a response just want him to listen. If you want other people's ideas and to bounce it around a bit, ask us.

BTW, when ds is thirsty does he drink sugary drinks? And who has his male role model been up to now?

DS's drinks can be anything from Orange juice (fresh) to plain water...he's not allowed fizzy drinks or anything like that.

Upto now his role model has been me and his dad...his dad is very bad tempered, quick to kick off etc so not exactly the best role model...

Is there anything you DO like about your DP?
I don't think you've ever had anything nice to say about the guy.
Isn't this the one that you are staying with because you are going on holiday together?
The one that still hasn't sent off for his passport?
The one that pisses you off with his mobile phone obsession?

Your partner just sounds like many other immature (not meant in a derogatory way) people who have not experienced raising a family.

How often do you actually see him? Do you think your son gains anything from having a 'father figure' around? Does he behave differently in his company?