DP wants to leave to rejoin the military

[applepancake]

Has anyone's OH's left the military and then chosen to rejoin?

That's exactly what DP wants to do but it would mean him moving to the other end of the county and realistically we couldn't afford for me and the baby to go and to be honest I don't want to leave my job/family here.

He left the military to settle down and have a family, he got that and has now come to the conclusion that he misses his old job (and the lads from the job) He would try and get back every weekend but it effectively leaves me with all the responsibility of our 10 month old!

As not to drop feed our relationship was fantastic until we found out I was pregnant (planned) and he kind of lost it and he's not been the same since! Unsupportive throughout pregnancy and early baby times but he has some health issues of his own which cause him pain every day (he would still be able to rejoin with these and he thinks it would help his pain). Things seem to be getting back on track with our relationship but now this bombshell has just been dropped and I feel like I've already put up with so much to keep our family going and now this!

The budget discussion would make me furious. If you've told him you as a family can't afford it, and he is still asking, I'd say you may not ask me this again until you have a financial plan for how we could actually do it, or I have a rock solid commitment from you that if we get there and can't afford childcare you will quit immediately to stay home and care for our son. It is deeply unfair of him to ask you these big things ,which are solely to benefit him,and then leave it to you to make it happen. Don't do that.

Or just say no, it's not a life I'd like and it's not a marriage/partnership I could live with where family always come second.

You say it's a shame for your DS that this happened after he was born rather before you got pregnant. I know what you're getting at. But...your DS is here, he's unique and special. He's not someone you could have had at any other time or with someone else. It would be a shame for him if he never existed.
Im not with my kids father. My youngest was 1 when we split up. They stay with their dad and they now have a lovely step dad too. They are very happy boys and do not miss out by having parents who live separately. They have gained family on both sides and are better off because their mum is happier and in a better relationship with someone who enjoys family life.
At the moment it might seem like it's a shame because you want things to be perfect for your DS. But life isn't perfect and it doesn't need to be. He's got you and his dad to love him and provide for him and he doesn't need you to be together to do that.
For me my 2 DS have been the constant in my life that got me through when times were tough. It's so hard especially in the first few years but they keep you going because they need you and love you. So you dig deep and make it through.
Separating isn't the end. It's the beginning of a new life that you get to choose. And you get to keep your DS.
If you do discuss separation with your DP make it clear that you want to be with someone who puts family first and that if you separate he will likely eventually have to accept another man being stepfather to his DS. Ask him how he feels about that.

LTB

He misses his mates?!
He's going to drag you across the country or potentially have you leave him because he misses his workmates?!