Need advice

[Munchkina]

I have recently had some trust issues with my bf just from him lieing about stupid things and I found out whilst we had a few weeks apart last year (break) he took his ex shopping. He explained his head was messed up at the time and reassured me it was a mistake. Since then I have been told stupid lies and found one way conversations on a dating site (nobody replied ) and he told me someone hacked him and is adamant it wasn't him. I have recently had depression because of these insecurities amongst other things (his son's mom giving me grief because my bf has a new job and cant have his son on weekends ).
To top all this off my bf agreed to a stag do in Marbella with a group of lads he barely knows (most are married with kids) he has been gone for 3 days and in that time I've stated university as a mature student ! He has text saying he was going to ring several times but never has and now I am starting to question our relationship again. If he loved me and cared about me knowing I'm suffering depression and started uni (which is a big deal ) he could of had the decency to just ring for 5 mins and ask how it went and how I am ! He just seems to care about himself and nobody else:( we are saving for a mortgage too which Is starting to worry me ! I just don't know what to do !

Nothing will change. The cycle won't break. He gets away with doing as he pleases and treating you like shit without a second thought for you so why would he stop? He won't. He knows whatever he does, you'll keep running back to him.

The only way the cycle stops is if you walk away.

Don't get pregnant with this man.

Don't get a mortgage with him either.

Let your ADs take effect and concentrate on your degree.

Forget all this romantic nonsense about loving people who aren't worthy of your love.

Don't give more time, money, emotion etc to a relationship than you receive in return.

Him saying he loves you to bits means jack shit.

Why would you be in a relationship with someone who takes everything but gives nothing back in return?

Why would you stay with someone who has lied to you?

I guess I believed he would change and revert back to the guy I met and fell in love with ! Everybody makes mistakes I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and attempt to rebuild my trust in him

Every body makes mistakes?
I despair of hearing that so often on here.
Not every body makes the mistake of messaging other women on dating sites

I wouldn't date anyone who had to make a point of telling me in a stag do text that he wasn't talking to any girls.

He's not going to go back to being the man you first men, because that was him trying to impress you, not being his real safe. He can't go back to what can't exist.

Incidentally - do you think it's fair he just dicked his ex around over contact?

Quick update
So I finally get a call at 3am this morning saying he was really down and feeling poorly (he genuinely is Ill not alcohol related) and his flight had been cancelled!!!
I know I am quite gullible but even I'm not that stupid but I did check due to the Ryan air situation !
He is now due home tomorrow !! Personally I think he knew it was going to be a four day trip before he went and told me it was 3 for the peace.
Just devastated all over again

Do you work nights?
Because if not, that's pretty fucking shit of him to call and wake you at 03:00! Selfish, isn't he?
And that's even before you think about whether he lied about the flight cancellation. Pretty easy to check whether that is true.
What are you going to do?

I do work nights yes and I was meant to be working last night so I think that's why he rang ! I have no idea what to do but I now know after checking that the flight wasn't cancelled

Ah, OK - so the 03:00 was fair enough.

The lying about the flight?
I just wouldn't want to be with someone who lies to me, end of.
But you know I said upthread that I didn't believe that he had been hacked, and not contacted other women on line to try and cheat on you? I'm sorry to be blunt - but the flight lie tells you again that he is a liar. So the chances of him being a liar about the dating site is just even higher now.

Get rid - I know you can do better, cos single is better than a lying cheat! But you can do better in relationships too

I have no idea what to do
I find this weird. Do you feel that you can only dump him if he agrees that he is in the wrong?

Surely it is easy. You say "I am sick of your lies. It is over between us."

You don't have to discuss this particular lie or any other, he will only make up stupid excuses.

What's your housing situation? Renting together? Whose names are on the lease?