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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship with DS at breaking point

31 replies

Nowhere2turn · 22/09/2017 19:55

Cutting a long story short, I've discovered he is basically dealing drugs! I looked through his phone to confirm what I suspected.... yes it's wrong so please don't feel the need to slate me for this but I have many reasons to do what I did and the main reason is to try and help sort this out!!
He has had history with this before and promised he wouldn't do it again, which obviously is yet another lie!
I'm sick to death of been taken for a mug and been treated so disrespectfully by him.... he's 20!
I said last time this happened that I would never tolerate it again and that he would be out!
This is such a difficult decision but I honestly have no idea what else to do! I've tried so much to help him, but it's clear to see he doesn't want help!
I'm thinking now it is time for short sharp shock treatment, but I'm also worried this will push him further down the wrong road! But what else can I do??
What would you do?
I'm at a loss as to what to do for the best

OP posts:
Autumnskiesarelovely · 22/09/2017 21:43

I'm really sorry nowhere what a hard situation.

Does his Dad or anyone else reach out to him? Could he live in another town with anyone? What about jobs?

I guess it's either kick him out or give him x amount of time but he has to get a job, see a drugs agency etc.

Nowhere2turn · 22/09/2017 21:51

He spent time living with a family member a couple of years ago when things got out of hand then, it was to get him away from "mates" here. As for dad, well he is as much use as a chocolate fire guard and my son has told him exactly what he thinks of him so I don't hear nothing from him now, and have discovered that sharing info with him falls on deaf ears now x

OP posts:
Nowhere2turn · 22/09/2017 21:52

Meant to add that he does have a job

OP posts:
Tatiannatomasina · 23/09/2017 02:28

When he gets arrested and its when, not if, it will be your home the police are searching, rifling through your treasured possessions and giving the neighbours a free show. If he is big enough to deal then he is big enough to get out into the wide world and stand on his own two feet. If he fails to pay the dealers he owes then it will be your house they target. The danger he is putting you in shows how very little he cares. Please give him notice to get out of your home, do it now.

just5morepeas · 23/09/2017 02:50

I wouldn't have a drug dealer under my roof.

You can tell him you love him, will welcome visits, will help him in other ways, but he can't stay whilst he's still involved with that.

Serendip16 · 23/09/2017 08:19

Get in touch with a drug helpline please. Talk over your concerns. In stricter confidence, dont give your name, it us such a tough one. End if the day, Your house your rules. Tell him you love him unconditionally, but absolutely no drugs in the house, if there are you will wrap them up and post them to the local police station, without any of your details. You will regularly search to check this isn't happening. try to talk to him, ask why he feels the need to do what he's doing, he is clever, he knows how he will end up, go to a drug rehabilitation centre with him, see the sad cases and the squalor the end up living in. If he leaves home you will sorry yourself sick about him, whatever he does he has to know you love him, but hates what he does. Good luck to you, no one deserves this.

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