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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

remembering abusive childhood memories

11 replies

lou1221 · 22/09/2017 17:48

I've always known my dad was horrible, a controlling, abusive person. I thought I remembered everything that happened during my childhood; he hit me, a lot; hands, buckles of belts, sticks, ect. He's always told me I'm stupid, not good enough etc, belittles whatever I say or suggest. He used to be inappropriate in wanting to know what I was wearing (underwear). He's a bully, ruled the house through fear. Recently more memories have surfaced, a particularly awful experience with a knife; but today has been terrible, in a meeting about safeguarding, the talk was about using control through drowning. I was straight back to being a 4/5 year old, I had been having swimming lessons with Dad, and I didn't like going under the water, no matter how hard he tried, I refused. I remember being in the bathroom waiting as he filled it up, he grabs the back of my head and pushes me under the water, I don't know how long for, I do remember screaming and screaming when he pulled me out, him saying you need to get used to going under the water to swim well. I think he did it again straight after. This memory has come back to me today, I feel awful, I feel so angry, and upset.

OP posts:
HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 22/09/2017 17:51

Oh op Flowers this is normal for survivors of abuse you are not alone. I'm so sorry you are having to relive it all.

Have you ever had any counselling about what you've experienced.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 22/09/2017 17:55

Oh lou that's horrible and I can imagine how much it has upset you.
I had an abusive childhood and teenage years at the hands of my mother and others and it was only with the birth of my own children that some awful memories stared to surface.
I guess psychologically your mind only lets you remember a few at a time so that you can deal with them.
Is there anyone you can talk to in RL? Maybe a councillor would help?
If you look online there are organisations who help adult survivors of abuse (sorry not sure how to link). Hugs to you Flowers

yawning801 · 22/09/2017 17:58

There's a thread entitled "But we took you to Stately Homes - survivors of dysfunctional families" or something like that. If you haven't already, why not check it out?

You sound very strong OP, and I second what PPs said about counselling. Flowers

Dustbunny1900 · 22/09/2017 18:00

Flowers Flowers

This happens with memories. I had a breakdown two years ago because I woke up and started remembering things I'd pushed down for years regarding abuse as a child.
Take a few days if you can, talk to someone you trust, write, cry, get it out.

Craftylittlething · 22/09/2017 18:03

Some folk are just arseholes 💐 speak to someone, feel blessed that you are a better person than that and definitely have a good cry and let it all out. Sending big virtual hugs

lou1221 · 22/09/2017 18:05

Not seen that thread, will check it out. I haven't had counselling, but it was suggested to me today. Fortunately, my dh knows most of what happened, I think I may speak to my dB, he's younger and even though he was beaten, he doesn't know the full extent of what happened to me. The thing I feel terrible about is I'm beginning to see my dead mum in a new light... if my dH did what my D did, I would LTB. I remember saying I wanted to call Childline, and was told by my mum that I couldn't do that because SS would take me away and never see her or brothers again.

OP posts:
PopcornBits · 22/09/2017 18:07

I'm so sorry that sounds horrific such a horrible way to treat a child I can not even imagine why someone would want to hurt their own child like that.

I've been going through my own process of what happened to me as a child too, and I have flashbacks just like you, remembering stuff as time went on, I actually finally plucked up the courage to report it.

Is your dad still alive?

Apileofballyhoo · 22/09/2017 18:08
Flowers
lou1221 · 22/09/2017 18:14

yes, sadly he is. I've decided to try and go NC with him. I've spent all my life trying to prove that I'm good enough and worthy, and now, esp with the memories I don't want to know him anymore. He's toxic, can never say anything nice or kind. He could so easily have screwed my mind, probably did tbh, I'm petrified of knives, he ran a knife down my body (not cutting the skin) and told me next time he'd fucking gut me, all because I had made a noise whilst mum was in bed with a migraine. I did bring this up, about 7 years ago, completely dismissed it, saying I was talking rubbish and that it never happened.

OP posts:
AlwaysDancing1234 · 22/09/2017 22:53

I think going NC will help you. It sounds as though he'll not take responsibility or ever admit the extent of the abuse.
Whenever I confronted my mother she'd say it wasn't as bad as I made out or just plain deny it.
Sadly I think people like that never change. I'm very low contact with my mother now and my mental health is much better for it.

StaplesCorner · 22/09/2017 23:33

You definitely need counselling - theres an organisation called NAPAC - for adults abused as children - I would recommend talking to them first, don't try to face all of this alone:

napac.org.uk

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