I've always known my dad was horrible, a controlling, abusive person. I thought I remembered everything that happened during my childhood; he hit me, a lot; hands, buckles of belts, sticks, ect. He's always told me I'm stupid, not good enough etc, belittles whatever I say or suggest. He used to be inappropriate in wanting to know what I was wearing (underwear). He's a bully, ruled the house through fear. Recently more memories have surfaced, a particularly awful experience with a knife; but today has been terrible, in a meeting about safeguarding, the talk was about using control through drowning. I was straight back to being a 4/5 year old, I had been having swimming lessons with Dad, and I didn't like going under the water, no matter how hard he tried, I refused. I remember being in the bathroom waiting as he filled it up, he grabs the back of my head and pushes me under the water, I don't know how long for, I do remember screaming and screaming when he pulled me out, him saying you need to get used to going under the water to swim well. I think he did it again straight after. This memory has come back to me today, I feel awful, I feel so angry, and upset.