In which order am I going to do all that??

[MarieAndHerLittleLamb]

Quick summary if the situation
I want to get divorced.
I live abroad, in H home country. 2 teenage dcs who have always lived there.
I work but only part time due to ill health.
Parents there to support BUT my mum is unwell atm so I'm not keen in adding any more stress on her than she already has.

I'm not sure how to get on about it all.
So far, I have spent the last two year trying to recover my own health (two years ago I wasn't sure I could have physically looked after the dcs).
I know I'm not really financially independent so separating now means either getting (a lot?) of support from my parents or really really struggling with the dcs.
I could wait a bit longer to try and earn more money as I am feeling better - not sure if I could physically work full time though.
But the more it goes, the more I just want to strangle H. That means more arguments, tense environment in the house which isn't good for the dcs.
Atm leaving the country and coming back to the uk isn't possible. It's not the dcs country, they couldn't see their father that much and I don't think H would agree on that.

So what do you think?
Better to cut the losses now and separate, despite my mum and the financial issues.
Or stay for a bit longer again so I am in a better place to do it??

Bump for the evening. Maybe someone will have an idea

So you want to stay in the country but separate?

What's the divorce laws like there?

I have been in this situation. I left. Rented my own apartment then moved back to the uk after a year.

You absolutely cannot take the children out of the country without your dh's express permission. Where is your mum living? In UK, in same country as you?

I would post in the Living Overseas section naming the country. NC if you have to. You need to find out what support is on offer, if any.

No no way I will take the dcs wo H approval. It wouldn't be fair on the dcs anyway who would be more than aware of the situation.

What I'm finding hard is to see if it would be worth staying fir a bit longer.
So I can get in a better place before leaving.
I'm aware of what I can do or not here or what sort if help I can get.
The issue is more that I will have to plan to stay 7 years until both dcs are at uni. I can't see H being happy to let the dcs leave until then

Maybe you will get to a better place quicker if you leave h.

First thing I would do is check the laws of the country you are in. E.g. Some country's won't even let you move house with you children (within same area let alone country) without the other parents permission, or a court order and so you might need to factor the time period for such an order (or any other delays specific to the country) in to any plans... also being really aware of the laws would make it easier to know what documents you need etc. so the first thing I would do is go to a solicitor, even if you don't intend to leave immediately.

What are the financial settlements likely to be if you divorced where you are? Would he have to pay child support? Would he have to pay any maintenance to you? Also, knowing him, do you think he would resist paying? get some legal advice so you know what the outcome would most likely be.

Is there any possibility of an amicable split, where perhaps you could work some living arrangements that allow you each your own spaces?

Hmm amicable arrangement will be hard if I can't stop being so snappy.
H has spent years not talking to me, PA behaviour, being very unkind.
Last mind fuck is him going all nice on me. Which is making me furious tbh.