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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to help a friend

2 replies

NikiBabe · 21/09/2017 23:19

I considered name changing for this but think it remote my friend will see this or tie it up.

Not a friend really, someone I regularly talk to who Iives in my town, goes to the same local leisure centre.

She revealled to me that her DH is an abusive bastard. He keeps all the money, she doesnt know what they have. She thinks he is hiding it off shore. He puts her down constantly calling her stupid, etc. She hinted that he may have been physically abusive, as she said if she challenged him he would knock her lights out. He gets raging mad angry with her over very little. Is selfish to the extent he wont even let her watch anything she wants on tv.

He has taunted her that she is too stupid to live alone if she considers leaving and she doesnt know how as she doesnt have any money.

She is over 60, her children are grown. If she divorced him whilst living with him she fears the backlash from him. She said her children wouldnt help her or put her up as they wouldnt support a divorce and want them to stay together. I am not sure if she just said that as she didnt want to bring her adult children into it.

But surely she must at that age be able to get pension and housing benefit if she really doesnt have any money. She has a lot of health issues and at over 60 not really fit with her poor health to start working.

Any suggestions of what help she could get?

OP posts:
User02 · 21/09/2017 23:30

The pension age has changed so evenif the lady is over 60 she may not be in receipt of her pension yet.
She should talk to Womens' Aid who will explain other benefits and may also know of a safe place she can stay.

She could talk to Social Services about being a vulnerable person with an abusive husband. They have a duty to protect her, probably only supplying information.
I dont know why the adult children cant see what is going on. They may want things to stay the same but no woman should be put down like this all the time. If they cant say to their dad to mind what he says they are being complicit.

NikiBabe · 22/09/2017 14:01

She has 5 years to go until pension age. Not sure if she can get benefits as she doesnt know what they have in the bank. Her husband hides it.

OP posts:
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