New male friend red flag?

[toomanycatsonthebed]

I met someone through work and we had a long and really pleasant chat about our shared area of work. I was perfectly happy to add him as a Facebook friend since he lives hundreds of miles away. He knows I am in a relationship. So really my query lies with regard to a slightly different area that has raised a red flag for me, but I am confused as to whether I am being a bad friend. We have had a few Facebook chats but a lot of his messages are about being rejected by a potential girlfriend, not getting the work he had hoped to etc. And each of these messages are followed by the words "ah well" or "oh dear". I don't feel like I have the emotional energy to support someone who I suspect might be seeking someone to do some sort of emotional support for him. I sometimes wonder if men are drawn to me because I seem to be a so-called kind person or a good listener. Am I just being a shit friend? Or are these expressions of a kind of victimy worldview from him? I've only known him two weeks.

I would have to be straight if he says or mentions anything again.
I'd say it's nice he feels he can tell u stuff but at u don't feel either it's appropriate right now or you're not into sharing this much info with somebody u barely know

step away - this is how it all starts, I've been in this position, and they take advantage of your well meaning nature, it's a massive drain and they have a way of "latching on" with all the attention seeking "woe is me, it's so unfair" type stuff. it never ends well!

I think I'd just "ghost" him ie not reply or wait three days and then write something brief and light and do NOT acknowledge the whole epic saga.

I used to be sympathetic and then I realised I was being used/latched onto by drains.

And it's harder to detach when you've "pretended to be sympathetic" a few times because then they have you marked as their emotional carer ( I can guarantee EVERYONE else ignores them)

Thank you all. That's really helpful to hear. My partner is going through really hard times at the moment (dad dying, sick son) so I don't have a lot of emotional energy to spare. In the past I seem to have acquired men who want to share their drama or disappointment with me without giving anything back. I think I got some sort of martyred pleasure from thinking I was helping someone but now I feel wary of being drained.

Perhaps he doesn't have many people to talk to about this stuff and while that's a shame it's not your problem and you have enough to be getting on with, don't feel guilted into giving him emotional energy that you don't really have to spare.

Not your circus...

If you don't have the emotional energy, then it's that simple, put yourself first. This man isn't, nor should be in your 'inner circle' and you don't owe him hours of being his unpaid therapist.

lol, I've got form for falling for this....I was in hospital recovering from a huge operation when I got a text from a male friend who wanted dating advice....at 3am! Granted he could see I was online on FB(noisy ward) but I was drawn into high drama relationship advice for 2 hours, even though I told him I was horizontal and immobile!!! I think I saw the sun come up whilst listening to his love woes lol.

Thanks for the sterling advice :-)

Even disregarding the fact that he's draining your energy, the 'friendship' is totally inappropriate. Imagine you're single and you meet, briefly, a man who is in a relationship (and who lives 100s of miles away). You're acquaintances - would you try to turn it into close friends, by starting intense online conversations? Me neither.

I think you should keep it real: tell him that, on reflection, you think it's inappropriate for you to be involved in long conversations with someone you hardly know. Maybe he'll learning something from your honesty.