How to achieve self-acceptance?

[zenness]

Not sure if this is the right board for this but it is connected with my relationships with others.

I'm quite a strong introvert, very private and quite shy. About 10 years ago I was in a long term relationship that ended badly and I spend most of the next few years dating occasionally but not really looking for anyone. Then by chance I met a guy who I thought was great, ticked all my boxes, thought we had potential for something long-term etc. But I didn't do the same for him and after about 18 months he broke up with me. He then quite quickly moved on to someone who is pretty much the opposite of me and they are now very loved up.

I know that I should be happy that he has found someone better suited to him (which I am most of the time) but I run into them quite regularly (small town and mutual friends) and a year on from the break up I'm still stuck with this nagging self-esteem issue that if I were a different person I'd still be with this great guy. I'm also very wary about getting involved with anyone else now as I don't want to go through the same experience again.

I know that the answer is to accept myself as I am and be happy with my personality. I'm never going to become very open and highly sociable. But I don't know how I get to that point? Any suggestions?

I think its natural to feel sadness and a degree of 'what if' when a relationship ends. I think doesnt really promo the great things there are about being an introvert/shy so no wonder you are comparing yourself. Be kind to yourself

It might not be because you are introverted and shy and she is the opposite, it could be that they just clicked in a way that you and him did not. But because of your self esteem you see it as 'if I was more like her he would still be with me'. He might be, but he might not.

You don't say you were heartbroken or gutted, just that you had 'potential for something long-term' - after 18 months I think you would know whether you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this guy or not. You just say he ticked all your boxes. It just doesn't sound like you were totally in love with him.

You can definitely learn to love yourself more and you can't make yourself into something you aren't. You sound a bit like you feel if you were more like this or more like that you would be in a relationship... But being in a relationship is not the be all and end all. Perhaps accepting being single and focussing on enjoying your life, own decisions and independence would be a good way to begin. When you meet the person you feel you can't live without, only then will it be worth sacrificing your happy single life.