Men going off sex in a long term relationship

[Spooladot]

A friend of mine is separating from her husband and she says it's largely down to the fact that he just doesn't fancy her any more. They've been together for 17 years, have 2 kids, and despite her attempts to rekindle the intimacy, he's not interested. Apparently he watches a lot of porn. There's no one else on either side.

Can this really be right? Surely there's got to be a lot of emotional stuff too - or do men really just switch off physically and that's it? They're both very sociable, outgoing people and still get on well, it's just the physical side apparently. She thinks he might be bisexual, and says he won't even look at her naked which has totally wrecked her self esteem.

It all sounds odd to me but I don't want to dismiss what she's saying as it's obviously very tough going for her right now.

Maybe he just doesnt fancy her anymore. It happens to both men and women and I think quite a lot a people get married who only fancy their partner 'just enough'
Porn might be the issue or he might use it simply because he doesnt want to have sex with his wife.

Is not specific to men - happens to women in long term relationships.
And who really knows what goes on in people's relationships.
Maybe emotional stuff, maybe getting bored of each other, maybe medical.

Just support your friend.

There's no hard & fast rule here. Some people just get bored, fall out of love, find the same sex monotonous & don't fancy their partners anymore.
Guess you'll never know what's really going on in his head

It's why my ex and I split up, we just didn't fancy each other any more and ended up being more like brother and sister.

I still love her and she still loves me but we're apart now and it's for the best. We cherish our little man but we're both wired to believe you need that sexual urge in a relationship for it to continue, we simply don't have that for each other. Not everyone is wired in the same way though.

My exDH and I split up after I found out he was gay. If she suspects he's bi get her to look for signs - what kind of porn is he watching? Are there any apps on his phone that shouldn't be there (e.g. Grindr)? Is there anything hidden where she wouldn't suspect (I found condoms and lube at the back of a wardrobe that was never used). My ex treated me the same way she's being treated now). She didn't come up with the idea of him being bi out of nowhere, so ask her to follow her gut and look for the evidence.

To be honest I think you re over invested in your friends relationship, and just because a man stops having sex with his wife does not mean he is gay or bisexual. We do not say women who do not have sex with their husbands is a lesbian.
Even if he is bi it would not stop him having sex with his wife.

Maybe he's stressed, has performance anxiety, perhaps he's angry with her. Maybe she's not telling the truth.

Why would you even consider dismissing what she's saying? Have you honestly never heard of men going off sex with their partner?