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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Had Enough

34 replies

Shattered · 26/06/2002 11:23

I am feeling so bad at the moment. I had a huge row with dh tonight - in front of my 2 yr-old ds - I feel so lousy because we were screaming and swearing at each other and he was just sitting there watching. I absolutely hate it happening in front of him and it rarely happens like that, but I was so furious that it all just came out and he was suitably 'nasty' back to me. I feel like the lousiest mother, considering ds has also been quite sick the last few days. In a nutshell, I am also coming down with the same thing ds has, so I feel rotten and very tired. DH has been busy with work & went out to dinner with some colleagues last night, while I was at home administering all the medicine and taking of care of ds. It's really getting to me that I do everything for him, I bath him, feed him, change him, put to him to bed, get him up, and do everything that needs to be done. I even play with him as much as I can because dh doesn't seem to be around enough. In the beginning I felt obliged to do all the caretaking because dh didn't want the baby in the first place and because he was the one who was working full-time. Now I feel I'm doing much more than my share - dh still sleeps in, gets to watch the news/sport/football, doesn't do any housework, never ever cooks dinner, doesn't clean up the kitchen and I have to ask him if I want something done. He takes care of the garden and the outside area, but I just feel that I've made a mistake in letting the situation get to this point. What does everyone think, should I be doing everything because I'm a SAHM? He also had the audacity to hint that I don't care about my son, when I absolutely adore him and I think this was just his way of being nasty. He manipulates what I say and doesn't take responsibility for any of the disagreements we have. I really can't stand the sight of him at the moment...

OP posts:
Batters · 27/06/2002 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shattered · 28/06/2002 00:01

Rhubarb, just imagining myself putting on a flannel nightie with hair rollers and face cream before I go to bed and then see if he prefers me as his 'mother figure'!! . To make things worse, dh is a trained chef but never cooks, he was brought up in boarding school from age 6 and then moved overseas by himself at age 18, so believe me - he knows how to take care of himself. He's had plenty of experience doing his own ironing and cleaning so, in a nutshell, he knows how to look after himself but just doesn't like to. I really think there's a certain amount of chauvinism involved here, although he probably wouldn't admit it. He seems to really like the idea of having a woman 'look after' him. Anyway I think there's a slight improvement happening but who knows how long it will last for. Will just have to remain firm...

OP posts:
oxocube · 28/06/2002 08:40

Good luck Shattered! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you . Oh, and if possible, try to avoid the flannel nightie!!

leese · 28/06/2002 18:54

Just reading that flannel nightie bit made me remember something funny.

When I started out in a new role involving 'on-calls', when I could effectively be called out to work at a moments notice, 24 hrs a day, I began to worry about how quickly I would respond if I was called middle of the night (which happens frequently) - how could I just rush out of the door looking like I do at that time of the morning? The main problem is my fine hair - sticks out in all directions five minutes after pillow contact - dh says I look like Wilson, the basketball in Castaway. My idea then (well, my mums idea!) was to get a hairnet! Off we go to the shop, but the only colour choice was brown or bright pink (?!!). Reserved as I am, I opted for brown. Nightime came, and I slipped on the hairnet whilst Dh reading in bed. As I slipped into bed beside him, he glanced over, expression never changing, then back to his book. All he said ........... " You look like a safety match"......

rachel1969 · 29/06/2002 18:15

Oooh - have just started a threat elsewhere asking for help on this very subject for an article I'm writing.
Please, if any of you would be prepared to discuss this openly for newspaper article on how women end up doing the lions share of domestic chores no matter what the domestic set up, get in touch. My email is [email protected]
You wouldn't have to publically lambast and humiliate your husband (unless you really wanted to!!) Just give anecdotes to illustrate why you think women get the raw end of the deal when it comes to running the domestic side of a marriage.
Thanks
Rachel Halliwell

Shattered · 30/06/2002 10:49

As I've been saying on this thread, ds has been sick for over a week now, so I've been giving him antibiotics & trying to keep him warm & comfortable, etc etc. DS's behaviour has taken a turn for the worse (is this normal when they're sick??!! Hope it doesn't stay like this). He's been been whining and having fits if he doesn't get what he wants, and is very short-fused in general at the moment - I'm trying to put it down to the illness. Anyway, dh was subjected to about half a day of this behaviour today, as he was at home working in the yard. Basically he could not cope with it at all - he told me that he couldn't stand ds's behaviour at present and his mood proceeded to go all sour. This was after just a short time of being exposed to ds being difficult. I took the opportunity to pounce and said "Now you know what it's like". Hours later, can you believe he's still in a bad mood due to ds and I just wonder what it would be like if he had to be around him all the time. On the domestic front, something must have gotten through because he's been a bit more helpful/thoughtful of late. But it's amazing seeing them get more stressed out from a toddler than they do from a busy day at work!!

OP posts:
batey · 30/06/2002 11:21

Shattered, my dds always get like this when they're getting over a bug. It's amazing how quickly they get used to being waited on!! It usually takes a week or so of being v. firm on the normal ground rules and routines. It's not a fun week! Re: dh, mines the same, can't cope with 1/2 hr let alone 24/7 of whining girls!! Thinking of you!?

clucks · 30/06/2002 13:26

Shattered

Just want to say that my dh is hopeless at interacting with DS (similar age to yours) and when he finds him too naughty, hyper he blames me for 'spoiling' him, and saying awful things like he needs a good spanking. This is something we had agreed not to ever do.

I have found that everything wrong with the upbringing of our child is usually my fault as far as he is concerned. He also didn't want children but loves DS to pieces when it's easy.

PamT · 30/06/2002 13:41

Oh its all so familiar! Are you living a parallel life to me?

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