Tricky situation with friend's child.

[nikki81]

Hi. I have this friend who I see far too much, she has a 4 yr old, the same as me but her child is abit loud, rude and not shy in the least and always does naughty things and winds my little girl up behind my back. I have recently been getting really fed up with them but her mum keeps asking us to get together and there is only so many excuses I can make. Well tonight they came for tea and I walked out to their car with them, the child on her scooter and I said "mind my car, don't want you to scratch it". So while her mum loaded her car she went back to the side of my car and was wacking her scooter against the side of my car. I am disgusted that she could even do this. The mum made her say sorry but that was it. Im really fed up! Does anyone have some advice please?

Get a new friend- fast!

I would tell your friend's little girl off in exactly the same way I'd tell my own kid off for doing such a mental thing. Then see if your friend still wants to see you! If her child's behaviour and her reaction to it are winding you up make yourself appear less appealing by being a hard-arse. I always tell other people's kids to stop doing things like flinging books around or hitting my dogs. It's not ok for my DS to do it so I say a loud no. And although it can be embarassing, wild kids aren't what I want in my house or influencing my boy. He does naughty things non-stop, he's 18 months old and pushing it is his reason for being, but he's stopped doing casual vandalism (for the moment) and dog baiting because I've said no a million times. I don't want wild behaviour from any child rubbing off on him. He's wild enough.

Hard to top MrsDanvers! Can't you talk this through with your friend and explain you won't tolerate her dd's behaviour...?

Like sid the kid- I have done the same with a dd of a friend. The friend I mention had a wild dd and was very laid back about her behaviour, always making excuses like 'she doesn't mean to hit, she doesn't know it hurts'. I got pissed off and decided that in my house it was ok to have rules for other children to abide by. The first time I said 'erm, no hitting please, we don't hit our friends' to her dd, her mum/my friend just looked at me and carried on talking, not a word!! I think its acceptable, I would expect others to have boundries for my child in their home, although mine are angels

Oh and btw, saying to a child "please don't do something" puts the idea in their head!!!

Walnutshell, she doesn't seem to be all that keen on the mother either as she said that she sees too much of her, but I'm willing to go along with whatever you say as you've given some good advice to other posters in the past!

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your advice. The trouble with me is im too nice to be horrible! The mum is a good friend but has had alot of problems so I have always been there for her but in a way I do think I got mixed up with the wrong person. The child just drives me crazy and I don't allow my DD to behave like she does. The mum always makes excuses or doesn't see her child winding my DD up so thinks her child is a sweet angel! It seems like everytime we get together I am fed up in the evening from something her child has done.

She did make her say sorry though so she must ahve realised? So nto as bad as the aprents who just ignore it altogether (ogf whom there are many- though I'm sometimes accused of being one, when actually I just prefer to deal with things at home a la pasta jar).

Can you find a suitable excuse (pretend youre taking a course or something) and use that to limit the friendship? I find diplomacy best - you never know when you might want to see a person (or end up with them as your boss LOL) again.

nikki81, been there, done that, and going through it, it's soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard.

She just phoned and I told her how annoyed I am. She made the child say sorry and then went home, then called just now talking about beach huts! Whereas if that was me I would have gone to the car to check for damage and then phoned later to say how sorry I was, isn't that just decency? I think I will distance myself from them more, we went through this a while ago but it just keeps being one thing after another. Thanks for your replies.