How can I get over him?

[Sn00py]

My partner of 3 years split up with me at the start of May this year, at the end of June I found out I was pregnant. We were going to have an abortion but found out I was 17 weeks! After having the 20 week scan he said he wanted to make a go of things... I was delighted because I am still in love with him. After a week, he changed his mind but said he would be there for the baby. I was devastated. I had to move out of the house and leave him and our family dog behind. I cannot stop crying and I cannot get over him. I have just had my thirty one week check and now I have to go for a scan because she hasn't grown in three weeks, I'm scared and called him for support, but he says he blames me for being so emotional and that because we aren't together I can't expect him to give me emotional support. I know I have my baby to focus on but all I want is to be a family. He says I have to come to terms with the fact we are over but how can I when I'm going to see him all the time when the baby is here. I cannot help but hold on to hope that one day he will change his mind. I cannot stop loving him, and when we do speak I get emotional and push him further away, afterwards I just feel worse and now I feel I have ruined any chance of us being together again. What a mess. I can't stop crying and I can't help but go through all our happy memories in my mind and ask myself where did it all go wrong. Please help me on how to cope. Very upset mum x

You have to give yourself time.
He's not supportive so you can't rely on him.
Stop asking him for emotional support as he's not prepared to give you that.
You need to step away from him totally.
While you are pining and begging he's going to keep running away.
You need to 'fake it 'til you make it' now.
Cool, calm and collected if you have to see him or contact him.
Nothing emotional at all.
You need to be strong and independent for your unborn DC.
While you are constantly contacting him this won't improve.
It's still going to hurt.
The love won't just go away overnight.
But you do need to step back. That will be hard with your hormones and emotions all over the place.
Do you have family or friends for support?

Is he a specialist doctor with new medical knowledge Oran abusive arsehole?

Why do you love someone who won't support the mother of their child and blames her for owing emotions, then uses that to blame her for a pregnancy issue?

I do have my family, although my mum suffers hugely with depression and so any of my problems make her worse, and when I'm feeling emotional and need a hug, she finds it hard. I have had to move back to my parents and be over 80 miles away from all my friends

He doesn't feel that he should support me, just the child. I am not sure if that is wrong of him, or is it because I still love him and expect that he should still care? I'm not sure if it's me in the wrong for wanting it, or him, for not giving it

Well you aren't in the wrong for wanting him or loving him.
Unfortunately he doesn't love or want you.
And that is something you need to come to terms with.
It is not going to be easy though.
It's hard to let go.
But he's already done and you have to try.

The relationship is over, so you shouldn't expect him to support you emotionally. You still loving him isn't his problem and he doesn't owe you anything. He will owe his child something, but that's a future problem. You might also find he may not be an engaged parent when it comes down to it.

You have to accept that you're very likely doing this alone. Let it go, just keep him informed of facts and give yourself time to come to terms with it being over.

I hope the scans prove reassuring.

First thing is acceptance that the relationship is over. Done. Then go cold turkey.

Cut him from every element of your personal life. PAYG phone for child contact, no social media connections to him, avoid mutual friends. Written arrangements regarding child visitation and financial support. Compartmentalise your life and allow him just the tiny part that has the connection to your new daughter. Tell him nothing about your new life, ask nothing from his.

Good luck x

He really has no interest in you. About 3 years I think is the right time to start looking to see if there is a future & he's chosen no.
The baby is a real red herring here. If the baby wasn't in the equation, I doubt you'd see him again. You're done as far as he's concerned.
You need to move on

Wow, ok! I suppose, truth hurts. Thank you everyone for your advice

Given you don't have much social network support, ask your midwife for help. She can put you in touch with an antenatal support team who can listen and put some help in place for you. You have got to focus on the baby now and getting through the pregnancy. The baby will give you unconditional love, even if its father will not.