Fed up.

[Batty18]

Hi I'm at the end of my tether. My hubby has always been a bit of a hot head and moody but in the same hand he's generous and kind. When he's awful he is very awful. He says some awful things to me and our youngest daughter. I just don't know where I am anymore and struggling to cope with it all. He was diagnosed with cancer two years ago but this behaviour was going on before. I work 3 days as a nursing assistant plus bank shifts. I look after my grandson take to school etc approx 3 days a week which I love. He says I don't work enough. I don't love him he says . I had to go into the spare room because of my snoring and now he says we never sleep together. When I work he says I'm never here and when I'm off I'm lazy cause I should be doing more hours. . I see to all the housework etc . He's even jealous of the dog. He tells me he's sick of paying for everything but I pay my half to the bills. He basically changed like the wind. When he picks me up from work sometimes he hardly speaks and then he's really moody the rest of the night
My head is smashed. I love him dearly but all this is getting me down. As long as he doesn't get nasty And start smashing things again. Is it me , I really try my best

It is not you. He is physically and verbally abusive. You need to get away for your own sanity and safety

If you want to stay with him, you need to get into some counseling ASAP and resolve all of these issues together, if not, what PP said

Of course i isn't you! Just read what you said, as if it were someone else, then decide who is wrong. You need a very serious talk with him about the consequences of his behaviour and follow through on those consequences. You should not live in fear of him smashing things up, that is pure abuse.

Has he only recently started being really horrible?

Its not you, its him. You are in an abusive relationship and have been for many years. He is only generous on his own terms and for his own benefit. Street angel, house devil is probably a good description of your H.

What did you yourself learn about relationships when growing up; did you meet this man when you were very young and or otherwise impressionable?.

What is there to love about this man; his actions towards you are not at all loving but smack of him wanting absolute power and control over you. This is not love; this is abuse. He moving the goalposts constantly too keeps you confused and trapped. He does this also because this works for him; this behaviour is ingrained within his psyche and is often learnt too from parents.

BTW whose idea was it to pick you up from work; if it was his then this is another tactic of his to control your movements.

Your youngest daughter is also copping this from him so he is no good role model for her either.

Do not ever undertake any joint counselling with this man but counselling solely for you will be beneficial. Womens Aid are well worth talking to and their number is 0808 2000 247. They can and will help you.