When a man says..

[Lacoba66]

"If you were younger, would you have had my child".

A bit of back history;

We are both early 50's and when we met (2 years ago) he hinted at wanting to become a 'dad'. At this point I suggested he think long and hard as this was obviously not an option for me.

He said that he had decided he was too old to be a dad- hence I agreed to continue the relationship.

Last week he asked me the above.

I have a child/ adult from a previous relationship.

I guess my question is am I overthinking, or is this someone who wishes for something I can't give him, so it will always be an elephant in the room?

My gut instinct was that he is 'settling' for what he thinks he is best for now.

Hard to tell without knowing how he is, how your relationship is.

Can be just a musing, a fleeting comment. A reflection of something he wanted once and remembered.
He can be a bit sad about it too.

I'd not worry about it, to be honest. My take on it is - if he actually wanted to have kids - he'd have made it happen by his 50s.

You need to ask him why he asked this. Can you have an honest conversation about it? Only he knows how he really feels and what he was thinking. He might just want the reassurance and boost of knowing you would have if you could have if that makes sense.

Don't waste your time second guessing. Ask him directly.

I think he's very serious about you and wants to know if you feel the same. A friend of mine is with a partner who has never has children and he has asked similar questions, I suppose it might me a 'what could have been' scenario?

I don't think you can tell from this comment.

He could just be feeling like he would have liked a child with you if you'd met at the right time and wondering if you feel the same.

Not convinced he's hankering for something you can't give him. He may be. But if he really wanted a kid he could be trying to date younger women. (Not that they'd necessarily want to date him). He's made his choice.

I don't think it's gut feeling telling you that he's settling, i think it's just insecurity.

Bit of a weird question, but were you intimate at the time of him asking?
I've had one or two partners where pregnancy would never be on the cards (by mutual agreement) but where the men though the idea of it a bit of a turn on/fantasy.

I think its a comment just to test how faithful and responsible you think of him to become a father to your child rather than " Can you have a kid with me at 50 ." I am presuming he is logical enough and he knows your right age .

I wouldn't worry about it. My dp and I met at 40, but were not in a relationship until our early 50's. Though I loved him from beginning I knew we would never be together at the time when we may have had a child together. I sometimes think about it, and even went through phase mid 40's of longing for a child with him. But I never thought about not being with him because we could not have a child. Slightly different situation as we both have children from previous relationship.
Your dp is probably just having fleeting thoughts... But don't drive yourself mad, ask him if he thinks about it a lot... Is it just a fleeting thing or more

Being really simplistic, I'd just ask him

Ask him directly, but he's left it too late hasn't he.

If it's something you both want, you could look into fostering or adopting older children.

I'm late 40s and dh is late 50s and he says stuff like this (we each have 2 grown up dc from our first marriages). It's partly a bit wistful I think, wishing we'd met younger and partly just musing. I don't think it means your dp has any regrets, and I agree that if having children were that important he'd have made it happen before he met you.