I have never been in a relationship.

[SkypeCloud]

Hiya, in need of some advice. I'm now 29 and happily single. I've never been in a relationship (heck, I've never even had my 1st kiss!) not at school, uni, etc. I'm a bit antisocial really. I've had attention from men in the past and it's just been annoying really... That's not the type of man I want. I think I'm looking for something that just doesn't exist. I can't even explain what I'm looking for. To be honest, I'm rather happy having my own time. I like interacting with my family and friends in the day and enjoy my own time at home. I enjoy a variety of activities, etc. music lessons, martial arts, etc. personally, I couldn't think of anything worse than having to keep in contact with someone each day. Let alone get to the point of ever living with them. I'm close to my mum and do spend a lot of time with her. She says I'm too fussy but am 'right' but that it 'just isn't like that'

Is it even healthy to have never been in a relationship, etc.? I'm honestly more than happy. I'm happy with my dog tbh mind you, I'd like Ethan off of Casualty (if anyone knows who I'm on about )...

It's the personality I care about, genuinely not fussed on looks. I just don't think they exist and have gotten that into my head.

I don't know why I'm writing this really.

I agree. Any man who "compliments" a woman's body when he doesn't know her is a pig. That goes without saying.

I've never been in a relationship either, or kissed anyone, but I'm younger than you (22). Then again, I have ASD and my self-esteem is terrible. I find it really hard to make friends easily, my anxiety kicks in and tells me that they wouldn't want to be friends, I'm too weird, we have nothing in common etc. And I do kind of want a relationship, but my anxiety is currently preventing that.
You sound genuinely happy with being single, though. If you can't bear the thought of even keeping in contact with someone let alone live with them then you are clearly better off remaining single. The only slight hitch is that you want kids. It is possible to adopt if you're single, though, but adoption is not an easy ride.

OP, I find there is something strange about the men you describe. Your male friends comment on other women's "saggy" boobs in front of you; guy approach you and comment on your boobs and bum?! I have never heard of any man I know acting like this. It would be considered very rude by both men and women in my social circle.
It is not unusual for a guy to say to a woman "you have a beautiful smile" or something like that, and personally I think it's a nice thing to say. But commenting on boobs and bum is against the most basic etiquette, and I wonder if that's something to do with the area where you live, are there a lot of rough people there?.. The behaviour you describe is not right and you are correct to expect more.

OP, you do exactly what makes you happy & ignore all the societal sheep.
For what it's worth you actually sound like many people's ideal partner. Low maintenance, has their own goals & hobbies, intelligent & want to remain fiercely independent and watching Casualty is a bonus

Trust your gut & do what makes you happy.

Agree that the men you know sound weird. There are many men in the world who would never do that.

It sounds like part of you is happy single, but part of you longs to try a relationship. If you want to explore further, i suggest staying to analyse what you learnt about relationships growing up, including by watching your parents relationship - it may be that you are are avoiding relationships because you don' want to repeat that pattern.

On the perfectness issue, my boyfriend is not 'perfect', i don't even know how you could define a perfect human being. He has some traits that frustrate me. But we have fun together and support each other emotionally and practically, so i enjoy life more with him than without him. And he is respectful of me, and has feminist beliefs - i wouldn't date anyone sexist.

I think you're right to say you're not actually looking for perfection.

It sounds to me very much like you've had your expectations of men lowered by having to spend time around so many misogynist ones, so you use the word "perfect" because of the gut feeling that what you're looking for might as well be perfection, it's so unrealistic.

But at the same time, you know you're being reasonable to ask for a basic level of decent behaviour from men.

In addition to taking some time to analyse your family dynamics and all that stuff, I would suggest cutting as many men who behave as you describe out of your life as possible. Because being around that does normalise it in your mind. And that's not good for you, whether you want a relationship or not.

You might find men who behave better hard to find. Most men who've been in my life have had trouble finding male friends because they don't want to hang around with misogynist creeps. But they are out there.

Regardless, I think your self-acceptance and determination to stick to your standards is a great, healthy thing. Whether it's the point that turns out to be right for you, or whether it's a first step towards feeling more like there are men you would like to go out with, I think it's the right thing. People shouldn't try to make you feel ashamed or wrong because of it.