1 child seriously hurt the other child?

[appledoesntfallfar]

not too sure what to do in this situation. Oldest child (16) pushed youngest child (9) down the stairs and pretended he tripped, I am the only one that currently knows he didn't trip. They don't know I know but it's a long story and we have cameras near the stairs due to a break in from that window (there is a wall outside it).

How on earth do you move forward from this?

Also focus on the long term impact for the 16yr old if they get a criminal record - impact on jobs/careers, can't go on holiday to USA etc on top of any immediate punishment. Are they full siblings or blended family? Can 16yr old spend time with anyone else? Grandparents? Aunt/Uncle? Make sure they are never left unsupervised - at 16 they should be old enough to leave to babysit but I don't think you could ever trust them. What about family therapy to address the root of their animosity?

Did he deliberately push him down the stairs, or was it more of an annoyed shove and the stairs were there iyswim. If the first, your 16yr old needs a lot of help as that is v serious. If the second, there is an issue with the lying and the lack of perception of danger, but a 16yr old shoving a 9yr old sibling is within normal (if undesirable) behaviour.

I'm extremely worried about your 9 year old. The fact they have not told you the truth makes me worried they fear the repercussions from your 16 year old if they tell the truth. What else might be happening to them that hasn't been caught on camera? Please seek professional advice.

I'm sorry but if a 16 yr old knows right from wrong. They pushed a 9 yr old down the stairs then lied about it. I'd be taking this very seriously as the younger child could have been killed as a result.
You can't let this go unpunished. I'd be talking to the youngest first, then deal with the eldest.

Msqueen, have you read the thread? OP explained why they have cameras.

Are they full siblings? Do you live with ypur partner, what do they think?

@Footle probably didn't help skimming it this morning. Now I understand the cameras.

How difficult op, hugs! You have to talk to them both separately. The 9 year old needs reassurance and you need to get a feel for if there have been many other instances. The 16 year old needs a lot of things. Counselling, not to be left alone with them (eg if you are going to the shops the9 year old can choose to stay or go and the 16 year old does the other) . I'd look up some dv, I'd say child abuse too but I don't know if I could bring myself too and explain that if daddy did that to you it doesn't matter that it's family, daddy could go to jail. Talk about ages and criminal charges and how you have a responsibility to protect your children. If they have career aspirations talk about the potential impact.
Your poor

You said 'seriously hurt' did the younger child need medical treatment or a hospital admission for their injuries? If so, they'd have been asked by the medics how it happened and usually parents are asked for their version of events as a matter of course.

I'd be suspicious that this is not the first incident of the older one hurting the younger one.

I'd give the 16 year old one chance to tell me the truth and decide on any action depending on his answer.

You need to take serious action before you have a dead child.

We need more info about the DCs and their relationship.

Need more info- seriously hurt how??

Send you 16 year old to a psychiatric hospital until they resolve whatever is wrong with them.

I seriously don't like my 29 year old brother doesn't mean its acceptable in eyes of law & i can push him down the stairs just cause he's my brother

Send you 16 year old to a psychiatric hospital until they resolve whatever is wrong with them.

Totally unhelpful. And do you think there are loads of vacancies in psych hospitals??? Errr...

OP. Your 16yo could have killed your younger child. Whether it's sibling rivalry gone too far, a moment of madness, or a symptom of a deepr underlying issue, had 9yo been seriously hurt or died, the 16yo would be charged. They need to know how serious this is and how unacceptable.

You need to protect your 9yo.

How hurt was your 9 year old?

If another 16 year old unrelated to you had pushed them what would you do?

I had 2 siblings. We squabbled and physically fought regularly. We never ever caused each other any physical harm. And I don't know of anyone who has pushed someone else down the stairs or even anyone who has been pushed down the stairs. It is not something most people do even when angry.

Id go nuclear at the 16 year old for a start

Are they siblings? You say my youngest. But the eldest

I'd sit the 9 year down calmly and in private explain that you have seen the video and want to know what really happened. See what he says if it was mucking around gone to far a quiet word to the 16year old about appropriate behaviour ect. Making clear it was seen on video no one told on him. If the 9 year old is scared or doesn't know why that's different. id try and separate if possible is there anywhere else the 16yr old can stay? Talk to the school, gp and social services to get help for both children!

I hope the 9 year old is ok

I think it would be very tempting to ignore the whole thing

^Fuck that. terrible advice

Can you read? Suggest you try reading all the sentences in my post. Especially the one that follows what you quoted.

As for this!
Send you 16 year old to a psychiatric hospital until they resolve whatever is wrong with them.

I'd sit them both down and ask them both what happened. If they give you the same story, I'd then send the 9y/o out of the room and speak to the 16y/o alone, and tell them you know exactly what happened and show the video.

I'd then give them an acute and long lasting punishment, make them issue a sincere apology to the 9y/o, and tell the 16y/o that if that kind of behaviour continues they will end up having to live elsewhere.

I'd also have a long chat with the poor 9y/o about telling the truth to stay safe from the 16y/o, and probably not leave them alone together.

How seriously hurt is the 9 yr old? Has he given you an account of what happened or is he unable to because of his injuries?

When you say he "tripped him" I am assuming you mean a deliberate act of violence and not a situation of both tussling and bickering on the stairs (my two for example suddenly decide they need the loo at the same time and stupidly race each other up the stairs trying to push past each other. They both get told off as it is so dangerous).

The 16 yr old has to face consequences. There is no doubt that your 9 yr old could have sustained life changing injuries or in fact been killed by this incident.

Many siblings quarrel and sometimes it can become physical but this is an extreme situation. Unless there is a specific medical reason a 16 year old is more than capable of realising the difference in physicality between themselves and a child 7 years younger than themselves. Were they arguing and did his anger escalate to the point of physical rage? Or was it an unprovoked sly and calculated physical attack?

Your 16yr old is 2 years away from adulthood and way past the age of criminal responsibility. If he wished his brother such physical harm he needs access to help with CAMHS via your GP. Is your younger DS in hospital perhaps you could speak to someone in the hospital?

There could be a multitude of issues at play here such as anger problems, physical abuse (has there been incidents you don't know about) etc. If he behaves like this again to anyone and you do nothing now believe me you will feel terrible. I suppose what I am trying to say is that there is every situation has context but that in no way is excusable.

If this was not accidental you know you have to discuss this with a health professional as that is the only way to protect both of your boys.

Why are people assuming the 16 year old is male?

And why assume the 16 year old was angry?