Hi everyone!
I'm looking for some help...
My eldest brother is a total mummy's boy. I have never considered it be a massive problem until I realised in the last year or so how it is affecting other people. He ended up leaving his girlfriend as soon as she announced she was pregnant and subsequently has had nothing to do with the child because he didn't want to rock the boat with my mother and he said it would upset her, that she couldn't be left on her own etc as she is reliant on him (emotionally). The problem is of course that he has left a child without a father and has now pretty much settled into life as my mother's surrogate husband. It is terrifying and upsetting to witness! I often find even listening to them is like an old married couple. He earns a fantastic wage and has no reason not to move out the house other than he "can't find the right house" apparently. Surely you would buy or rent any house just for some independence? I would! My mother is a total control freak with him. If he goes out with a woman she immediately hates them for no reason and I've noticed he lies to her a lot about where he's going. He will say he's going to a friend's when is he perhaps going on a date (which never seem to come to anything). He's 30 years old! She worships the ground he walks on, he can do no wrong at all and even when it's staring her straight in the face she will defend his every decision. It is always someone else's fault, never his, no matter what it is. I find it really upsetting that my mother doesn't desire for her child to be happy out with her. She seems to have absolutely no consideration for what he might want or for his future...and yet he is enslaved to her in some sort of way. He is quite an insecure person and I think she boosts his ego so much that he can't stand to be "tarnished" in her eyes. I've spoken to him very occasionally and briefly on this, that her love shouldn't be conditional on him being anything but he won't hear it.
I suppose I am looking for some advice. It is a bit of a strange one but I feel that I need to try and assist in someway although don't want to be interfering either!! I can see my brother specifically (who I am close to) having a very hard life if he continues down this path but he doesn't seem to see it like I do. Do I just take a backseat and let him get on with it? I suppose I can't make him do anything (nor do I want to). It just hurts to see people you love destroying their lives. That poor little boy who has never even seen his father because of his so called loyalty to my mother?! No matter how many times I think about it I still can't get my head around the fact that he could do that. I wonder sometimes if my mother is just an excuse in that instance, that he just doesn't want to be a dad? Has anyone any experience of this behaviour?
Thanks in advance. Apologies for the rambling! 💗