PARTNER HATES MY DAUGHTERS TELLING ME THEY LOVE ME!!

[user1483875094]

Arrgghhh ... I am rather mature, my daughters who I adore, (28 and 29) and I, never fail to say to each other (at the end of an email, or text, or conversation) "love you!" and we MEAN it ....!
Manfriend (not partner, does not live with us) but very involved ... and here a very great deal, is becoming more and more "precious" and apparently can't stand it!!! (He has two daughters, one in Australia now, who has nothing to do with him, and one fairly close by, who is lovely, kind, adorable and gentle natured, and loves the attention and affection my daughters and I show her - but who only visits about once every 6 weeks or so, and more often than not, (I think) times her visits to just visit me, strangely.

This week, I spoke to one of my daughters who is going travelling, and told her how much I loved her, and she said the same back, at which point "man-friend" ridiculed me (us) as being not only "pathetic" but also - apparently "affected snobs". This lead to a huge row, and I honestly, suddenly really feel that I do not want this cold person in my life, nor trying to affect my relationship with my own daughters in any way. Am I over-reacting at all, do you all think? I am really, really lost in my anguish over this??

Pathetic and clearly very jealous. It's also controlling and I'd wonder why both his daughters have very little to do with him.

There's a thread here about post your red flags - I think this belongs over there!

I'd hate this. How dare he. Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DDs. I hope me and my DD are the sea when she is all grown up.

I won't do the usual MN thing of saying LTB, but I think you might need to lose the plot with him once or twice!

Wow he's got problems. I'm not one for saying I love people, but I would never tell someone they're an affected snob if they did ffs! I can understand people being uncomfortable around PDAs but this is very far away from that. He sounds jealous as best and at worst like he's deliberately trying to drive a wedge between you. I think I'd be done with him because of his attempts to ridicule you. If it were just him saying he's was uncomfortable with it, I might think about trying to talk to him over it, but with this kind of response- I'm out.

same

FGS, tell this emotionally abusive asshole to FUCK OFF. What a disgusting twat.

I'm 38 and my Mum is in her 70s. We say 'love you lots' at the end of every phone call.

Tell him to knob off and mind his own business.

Even if he didn't ridicule your and your daughters for this, he sounds like a total loser. Why have you stayed with him?

Dump him but keep in touch with his lovely daughter.

If anyone ever ridiculed me or my daughter for saying we love each other they would be out of my house like a shot. He is a jealous prick and is using you like a b&b. For gods sake get rid of this utter wanker!

His daughter is in another hemisphere and wants nothing to do with him. Sounds like shes got the right idea

I tell my children I love them everyday, because I love them. He is welcome to think that I am 'affected snob'. I think he is a cold hearted dickhead, and he can fuck off.

I promised to let all you lovely people who have helped me see sense, ... know how it all went. I have been very shocked... because over-night I really came to the realisation that he is a user, a bit mean, and yes, clearly very jealous of my relationship not only with my own daughters, but his own daughter as well. I started remembering quite a lot of "odd" things that were just "not right" in my own home! (for ex. he did not like a wonderful picture I had of my two girls together on the wall in my entrance hall - he said it was "a bit big", and in your face!" I got up this morning, having barely slept, and decided that I would end the relationship, which was clearly extremely convenient for him... (someone on here said a "cock-lodger") I don't know that term, but have made my own interpretation of it, and I think she was correct and my interpretation was correct! Although feeling a bit shaky, I DID feel strong and determined. Oh my goodness... I did the right thing. After a very short discussion because he was apparently "a bit bored of talking about such stuff!" ... I told him that I wanted him to collect his belongings from my home, and leave, and that I was not interested in continuing the relationship. What has shocked me is, that he was not at all "unhappy", nor regretful, nor even angry really, ... he was just completely "astonished" that I would have the strength and audacity to dump him! That was it! Just complete inability to comprehend ... no feelings, no regret, (I think I would have preferred another raging argument!) Just completely bemused at my choice!! I think that was possibly the most empowering moment in my life!!!! Dear God!!! I have been very unsettled, but tbh the over-powering feeling is one of relief. I have spoken to both daughters, both hugely supportive, and both also relieved.... although they hope they can keep a relationship with his daughter who is still in the uk. I am pretty sure we can work around that. Now I have to work on not regretting running around after him like a mad thing, and answering to all his whims, and illnesses (he was also a bit of a hypocondriac, so if he was over-tired it was always clearly very serious ... etc. etc..

Thank you all so very much. If only mn. Had been available 25 years ago, I might not have made the wrong choices I did! xxxxx

Happy ending!

Well done you!

Ellisandra

THANK YOU ... feeling better by the minute actually!!!
xxxx

Great stuff, OP. Sounds like a weight has been lifted

Well done op!

Do text his DD after the dust settles and ask her to come over for dinner soon though; make it clear that you want to adopt her a bit

Well done OP! Onwards and upwards.

Result!

Oh yes, I love it when a thread works out! Do adopt the dd if she'll let you. Something good to come out of it

That sounds wonderful OP. Good for you. Now look ahead to the future and for now plan the best xmas you've ever had with your daughters.

Wow - well done OP.
There are a lot of strong women on here recently, taking decisive action.
It's fantastic to see.

I tell my mum and dad all the time I love them, and I'm nearing 50.
My DD hugs and kisses me and tells me all the time she loves me and she's 19!
He's a cocklodging tit and you've done well to get rid so fast!

Well done OP, I imagine staying with him would be a cold, joyless relationship that would grind you down over time.

Happy ending for you xxx

Also, I tell my mum, dad, brother, dd and best friend that I love them at the end of a call and they say it to me.. we all mean it and I think its lovely x

Brilliant outcome, well done Mumsnet.

Onwards and upwards OP. It sounds like you did the right thing. But don't dwell on regrets. You're free... CELEBRATE!!