First relationship after divorce

[PenelopePitstop1974]

Got divorced last year from a 16 year marriage and three months after proceedings were issued, I met someone on Tinder and dived into a relationship. We've now been together 16 months. I absolutely adore the man but get the gut feeling he's holding back and am wondering whether now I should cut my losses (I know it will hurt me hugely) and look elsewhere for my happy ever after. He's not commenced proceedings in his own divorce and seems to not be inclined to do so (lord knows why you wouldn't want to) and ultimately I do not want to be a mistress in the eyes of the law for the rest of my life. I want commitment but not necessarily remarriage! Don't know why I am so desperate for my happy ever after; I am a strong independent woman who earns her own money (I'm a professional), great house and 2 children. I don't need a blessed man but at the end of the day, I guess I just want someone who has my back and the ! I probably just need some alone time; perhaps I got together with someone too quickly. My ex husband was a soul destroying pig who constantly put me down and perhaps the current man gave me what I needed at the time but perhaps I now need more. Anyone else with similar feelings?

I understand what you are saying. You say you adore him so are you sure you want to end things? Perhaps you could talk to him and see what he says? Just don't make any rash decisions which you might regret. Yes it's easy to dive into another relationship and wonder whether you moved too fast but that doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. But I can see why, even though you are an independent woman, you want some signs of long term commitment. I totally understand where you are coming from.

Thanks fedupandnogin. That's the concern, my feelings for him make me think I never actually loved the man I married so why would I throw it away? I suppose the problem is that I try to talk to him but trying to get his feelings is like pulling teeth; he is soooooooo reserved. I've never met someone who is so reserved about their feelings or quite so laid back. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am deeply honest about my feelings and am very much a get up and go girl. On the one hand he insured me on his beloved 4 x4 last week (believe me, that's a big thing for him) and regularly tells me he loves me but on the other hand, I just feel he's holding back somehow. Maybe he's just content with me compared to my desire for a more committed relationship! Wish I could just take a step back and be content with what I have as in no uncertain terms, he's a massive upgrade to the ex husband in how he treats me. I would love dearly for him to move in with me (he knows this) but he's in the armed forces and his new posting from November will not be close enough for a daily commute.