Got past the crush, should I ever tell DH?

[ThinkingItThrough16]

Long story, but I'll try to keep it brief.
We moved home away from family and got new jobs. DH spent more time apart from me on laptop in another room and day to day affection lacking. I felt terribly lonely and felt he wasn't listening and hence helping me overcome it. Then l suddenly, and stupidly, developed a massive romantic crush on a work colleague. A stupid, sweet but awful teenage crush. I've been married for 26 years for goodness sake. I found it overwhelming and could not talk to anyone about it (apart from berating myself). Anyway, I arranged to meet Mr Crush's wife and family, and slowly that has cured me. Ideally I would have changed jobs. I have unsuccessfully applied for others. But I am stuck working closely with him. I do value him as a friend. He has always been very attentive, kind, offered me lifts, lent me CDs. So I am confused if I have been played by him, or that he really is a sweet guy.
DH and I live separately now and I know I have been difficult and cold to live with. DH has always been a good man and dad. I have only been able to partly explain why my disconnection happened. We are starting to try and slowly repair our relationship.
Should I ever tell him about my horrible but sweet crush? Would it be cruel or help him understand? Advise me please wise mumsnet folks.

Depends how far it went, I found out about my DHs from 11 years ago as he wrote it all down in songs and poems , I would I think in retrospect much rather have not known as I am still fuming as was someone who worked with us , if there is no evidence and you kept it in your head, I would keep it there!!

Yes, keep it to yourself. Very understandable as to why you're attracted to someone else; it's normal, not stupid at all. But you've been very clever by befriending this man's wife and family. Good for you! It would have been so much easier to fall into an affair if you hadn't done this. Good luck with the reconciliation.

Nothing physical happened. Some silly flirting from me. I didn't ever fantasise about him sexually, only romantically. Thank you for your advice.

Keep it to yourself. These things happen. Especially given your move, length of marriage, etc.
The urge to tell is normally down to your guilt and will only hurt him, and for no reason.

Looks like you are both on an upward spiral.
Good luck!!!

I think you should definitely tell him. If not, then how can you ever properly move forward? You can only prevent it happening again by discussing the real genuine reasons and problems and how to prevent it occurring again.

It sounds like it was a pretty intense crush so you should definitely tell him. I've developed a crush on someone and I've discussed it with my husband.

Do not tell him! You've sensibly gone about dealing with it . You crush was linked a host of other emotional stuff , needs , loneliness, rejection perhaps . Look up limerance. Get some therapy to understand better , and mend your marriage if you want to mend it .
But don't tell hubby ....nothing to gain from telling him .

Why on EARTH would you tell him?! There's nothing to tell! You had a crush which is totally normal and happens to most of us. Nothing happened between you and this man and all you would gain by telling your husband is to hurt him. You're a human being. You're allowed to have private thoughts and emotions. Telling him would be a HUGE mistake, and one you couldn't undo.

Don't tell him not sure how it will help. Re build on things that are real. The crush was a cry for affection not deceit or betrayal.

Don't tell him. That's just making him deal with your sh*t.

The highest ethical principal is to not cause others pain, and it would cause your DH pain and to no good end. Destroy any evidence. Stop using this guy for a friend.

Work on yourself so that you aren't a misery to be around. Work on your non-sexual friendships. Work on your relationship with your DH (if you want to continue it). It sounds like both you and your DH ignored each other and failed to treat the relationship like the fragile thing it is. You work on building the relationship by being kind.

Was the crush a symptom of the failing marriage or the cause of the failing marriage? From what you say it was the former - there was already a disconnect, probably caused by the stress of the relocation. I wouldn't tell your DH - I can't see what it would achieve except make you feel like you've shared your burden, and that's not fair on him. Concentrate instead on what you want to happen re your marriage.

I believe the crush was a symptom of loneliness in my marriage. This was my loneliness which I don't think my DH understands. I felt lonelier when he was in the house than when he was out of the house,if that makes any sense. Then when experiencing the intense crush I didn't know how to be with DH. DH was only my 2nd boyfriend and I married him when I was 21 and he was 32.
I am keeping my self busy, joining ladies social groups and starting to play some sports again.
I will take the majority of the advice of keeping it to myself.
I don't wish what I experienced on anyone. Thanks to ya all.

No don't tell him. It was all in your head and best left there.