Why has he done this?

[QueenFuri]

Almost 2 weeks ago my partner of 12 years walked out on me no explanation was friendly etc when he came to see our DC who are 11 and 7. I had no idea if it was permanent or temporary, yesterday I asked him he stated he no longer loved me and felt nothing needed freedom.

Being the normal person I am at being told this I got upset and he left, a few hours later he came back didn't say much and we slept together, he went to work came in the DC were out so we fooled around a bit and he said he might stay the night again.

He then started an argument and said he thought I was going to harm myself that's why he came back and I think he has left again. I'm now sitting here and I feel terrible, I feel used, dirty, how could he do this by the time he came back I had calmed down and was okay. Why has he messed with my head like this? I don't know what too do now..

I have a thread elsewhere on here that I wrote on Saturday night when I was at my absolute lowest and the pain I felt was the worst I've ever felt in my whole life I cannot bear to feel like that again I really am scared of what I might do, I don't have any family or friends to talk so will be alone when the DC go to bed.

I'm sorry you are going through this. He isn't being straight with you. Have you asked him to explain exactly what is going on? When is the next time you will communicate face to face?

You can talk to people on here. You are not alone.

At first I have him space etc and asked him last night that's when he said he didn't love me any more and wanted to be free, single in other words.. I just wish he would have let me be last night I would have been fine. I'm not sure his stuff is still here from last night so I think he will come back for it tonight.

Talk here OP, you're not alone

You will get past the pain and soon find your anger: How dare this prick just walk out on you with no explanation and then just stroll back in and sleep with you?

No more sleepovers, he has left, he doesn't get to tell you he may or may not stay the night.

You'll get through this, sometimes you have to take it an hour at a time just to survive, but you will.

Stop sleeping with him. Right now he is having his cake and eating it. Single guy but still getting sex from you.

While that continues he has no incentive to either commit or tell you it's over. So you need to decide if you want to carrying on like this or tell him to fuck right off.

When he collects the DC have them ready to go and hand over at the door. He has no need to come into your home now that he's left.

You must be feeling very hurt and that's understandable. As others have said don't let him call the shots on how this works going forward. Take a little time to read all the posts on here from women who have been where you are now and have gone on to be loads happier in the long run. It's hard to see right now but it will happen for you too.

I'm sorry that happened. It was wrong of him to use you for sex that way.

I think, if you can, the best thing would be to see if his things are still there, bag them up, and put them on the front step or elsewhere and text him that you are very upset with his behaviour, he is not welcome at the house tonight, and to get his things and not stop by.

Whatever the answers are to why he's behaved this way, he either isn't capable or doesn't want to tell you, so stop looking to him for them. Bag his shit up and hand him a letter with a contact schedule with the standard eow and a weeknight.

You will need time and space to heal and you will heal but it will be a difficult journey. So be kind to yourself and remember above all that this man isn't your friend and if he tries to sell that angle setting you up as a fb, tell him he's just your children's father as you have higher standards for friendships.

How dare he mess with your head! Git.
No more sex. When you turn him down you'll take back control. So pretend to be really strong, even if you're falling apart inside. And take it one day at a time.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've been where you are and you must be sick with worry and bewilderment. I can only pass on what helped me which was that after some initial undignified behaviour on my part I did find my dignity and communicated with X as little as possible but calmly and civilly. Every time I composed a tearful/angry/impassioned email or text I deleted it and sent the minimum necessary. I spent hours on Mumsnet and Google working out the best way forward. Things are better two years on and they will be for you but I'm afraid you will have to take a deep breath and find your strength. We will help you.

Big hugs for Queen.
Be kind to yourself and tell him absolutely no more booty calls. That was totally out of order on his part - he was using you.
As PP have said, lay down some ground rules regarding contact with your children, pack his stuff and give him a time to collect.
If nothing else, you deserve respect as the mother of his children.
Take things one day at a time and know that there is a support network on here that you can turn to 24/7.