What's your relationship like with your parents since kids?

[Anotherprofilenameparents]

In my 20s and early 30s before kids my relationship with my mum and dad was really good. They have lived abroad for the last ten years and the year I had my eldest daughter moved further so total
Journey time is 12 hours and through several time zones 😖.

I must admit I did feel abandoned but got on with it. I now have a second child and my relationship with my father has absolutely disintegrated. He is brilliant with the kids and I can't fault him for that but we only see him once a year.

I can at times get really upset about it. I feel like they have moved abroad to get away from my sister and i (they can't stand her husband and for good reason). My dad has also been negative about my husband before too which I do think is really unfair.

Also because he is far away my Dad will often take tiny comments and brew on them for ages so any interaction I feel like I am walking on egg shells. I was once talking about the cost of shopping rising and he thought that meant he wasn't welcome in my house. So the upshot is I start to feel pretty worthless and shit as a daughter.

Anyway sorry for the massive rant, just wanted to know what your relationship is like with your parents? Do they change and become more difficult the older they get? If that's the case god help me 😂😂

The relationship with my parents is ok. Not fab, but ok.

My kids, 12 & 9, have a relationship with my parents as do I but I have been very disappointed with their level of involvement and desire to spend time with them. This was especially true when my children were pre school.

I think having kids makes you re evaluate your relationship with your parents, it makes you look at your own childhood!

I thought my parents would want to help me when my kids were younger, but they did not. My Mum told me once that she knew I had found the transition to parenthood hard but she never once offered support in any practical sense.

My in laws have seen my kids on average every two years.

Being a parent IME has changed my relationship and not in a positive way!

My mother was emotionally abusive and I cut contact with her when her hatred of me started to impact on how she treated my children. SS were involved following the issuing of a safeguarding alert and they stipulated no more than supervised contact for my mother. We didn't like her anyway, so we just cut it outright. I'll never forget her shouting down the phone to my husband, "but I'm entitled to supervised contact". Classy...

My dad was emotionally distant growing up and physically abusive. He apologised for it when my son was born and we had a reasonable/functional, although not close, relationship for 7 years, when he was a very good grandad. Although, he and his second wife then had children and he effectively 'ghosted' my son. He never had a relationship with my daughter who is the same age as his children. He died shortly after I cut contact with my mother.

TBH I have baggage but this does sound familiar. They are busy and only interested in doing their own thing. Makes you feel a bit shit. Yes they can get worse with age. Also you're a parent now not a child anymore.
You haven't actually done anything wrong so I would keep that at the forefront of your mind. Try not to internalise their bad behaviour. Just because he has been unreasonable doesn't actually mean you are at fault.
FWIW my D is a raging narcissist whom I believed loved me ... until he turned his N rage on me. My crime was to point out his poor treatment of me. My M enables him, he dictates her life.
Google toxic parents. It might cheer you up or it might be ... lightbulb! 💐

Nothing changed much. Never saw my Dad growing up, despite living 15 minutes away and him knowing he could contact me on FB. Still didn't when I had DS and he died recently.

Mum is an odd one - admits she couldn't wait for me and sister to grow up when kids but loves seeing my DS now and says she can enjoy him in a way she couldn't enjoy us (?!) still isn't hands on though, just sees us a couple times a week.

If anything it's improved. For one thing I appreciate how difficult being a mum is and my parents praise me (and siblings) parenting skills.

Fc301 I think you have just hit the nail on the head, sounds so familiar ....going to google now....

Relationship with my parents is good, I had a good childhood which I can't denie. I know my dad worked his ass off to make sure we had shoes that fit and a roof over our heads etc. my mum stayed at home and looked after us.

They look after my kids one day a week while I work (soon to be just after school as my kids are both now school age). I wouldn't actually like them to have the kids more but not because I want to go out but just fun sleepovers at nans etc BUT I do get the sense they don't want this and think seeing them everyone week is fine.
My dad has made some comments that he's done the parenting thing and it's now there time to enjoy meals out, time alone & days together which I completely understand!!! They are only 46 & 47 so They are still young enough to do a lot of things and not be to old as grandparents. So I don't hold any resentment... i love them both and I want them to enjoy there life's.. they raised me and my brother with everything we needed and wanted so I'm happy overall as they deserve there time now

I would actually*

Such a shame you can't edit posts!