I can't believe I'm writing this

[Whatisitaboutme]

I have had three serious relationships (marriage and living together level relationships).

Just newly married as a very mature person. I think I'm a nice person, get on well with others, attractive, independent, not the best figure but hey!

My first husband cheated on me. Took me a long time to trust - six years before I had another relationship. 12 years living together and my LTP cheated on me leaving me distraught. Took me 12 years to have another long term relationship resulting in my second and final marriage. I was sent copy text messages showing evidence of an almost affair long before we got married. I knew at the time that the 'lady' in question had a crush on my soon to be husband which resulted in him terminating a work relationship between them. What I didn't know was that he had not discouraged it from the word go. Not actively participated but not discouraged if that makes sense, I feel wretched about ME? What is it about me or my choices? :-(

If those texts are all she's got OP, I think you just need to ease up a bit. Your dh just probably didn't know how to tell her to fuck off politely. I'd let it go. He really hasn't done anything wrong. And I say this as a terribly jealous, rather insecure and possessive wife

You are overreacting OP.

It looks like he tried to down play it at first, then tried to laugh it off. Probably he was trying to be kind. When she started to be more persistent, he cut ties. There is no 'almost affair' here as he clearly wanted none of her. You are being unfair to him. He hasn't reacted in the way that you liked, but this is a non event, unless you choose to make it one.

All, thanks for your perspectives. My h and I discussed and argued this week. He has acknowledged that he enjoyed and was flattered by the attention the the other person gave him. Didn't feel he was encouraging it but equally, didn't stop it until a friend took him to one side and said that people felt she was being too familiar with him and were talking about them, did he start to worry that I would find out. This isn't exactly taking the decision himself, but more that I might find out. This was about the same time that I voiced my concerns. My gut reaction at the time was turning cartwheels and I've read here time and time again, not to ignore that.

In regards to 'lol', yes of course I took this to be laugh out loud.

I can't help how I felt and reacted to seeing those texts and what she would achieve by sending them. I am still very sad that I trusted him 100% which given my past, was not easy to do, I can tell you.

There is a fine line between harmless flirting and actually accepting intimate and secretive communications from someone else that you don't want your wife to know about.